There’s No Pills Like Home, Part 2
 

There’s No Pills Like Home, Part 2

Pharmacy | New Jersey, USA | Right | April 19, 2010


(My phone number is 1 number off a nearby pharmacy. We get a lot of misdials. My father happens to actually be a pharmacist but he doesn’t work there.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello? You just say Hello? How dare you be so rude! You should say “thank you for calling”!”

Me: “Oh, you must be looking for [pharmacy]. You have the wrong number.”

Caller: “Liar! How would you know what store I’m looking for? You’re just trying not to get in trouble. Give me your manager.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have a manager. You’ve called a private residence. The number for the pharmacy is close to our number, so we get a lot of wrong calls.”

Caller: “This is outrageous! Give me your manager! I will not be treated this way!”

(At this point the caller was rambling and being rude so I hung up the phone. She called back, and my father answered it.)

Father: “Hello?”

Caller: “Is this the manager? Thank god! I want to know if [drug] can be taken with food! And you should fire that girl that answered before, she was very rude to me! I want to file a complaint!”

Father: “Ma’am, this is not the grocery store pharmacy. You just told off my 14-year old daughter. I happen to be a pharmacist. That drug does not need to be taken with food. However, you should see a doctor about your ears, as you clearly can’t hear a word anyone says.”

Seriously Bad Hair Day
 

Seriously Bad Hair Day

Pharmacy | Melbourne, Australia | Right | March 11, 2010


(It’s 10pm we are in the final motions of locking up, registers closed and lights off. I’m just locking the door.)

Customer: *runs up in a panic* “Oh no! You are closed? It’s an emergency! I really need to buy one thing!”

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed. Maybe you could come back in the morning.”

Customer: “No! I can’t wait that long-this is an emergency! Please help me!”

Me: “OK, I suppose I can help you quickly for an emergency. Do you need antibiotics or paracetamol or something?”

Customer: “I need a packet of hair pins!”

How To Seize The Moment
 

How To Seize The Moment

Pharmacy | Tallmadge, OH, USA | Right | March 8, 2010


(An elderly woman is having a seizure and obviously 911 was called to the scene.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but when can I get my prescription?”

Me: “Ma’am, this woman is having a seizure and needs medical attention right away.”

Customer: “But I was here before her!”

Rectify The Situation
 

Rectify The Situation

Pharmacy | UK | Right | August 12, 2010


Customer: “Hi there, do you sell rectums?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Rectums. I need a rectum. do you sell them?”

Me: “Why do you need it?”

Customer: “I have some tablets here and it says ‘insert via rectum’ and as I don’t have one, I thought I better buy one.”

Me: “I think I better call the pharmacist in.”

(I call the pharmacist in who explains to the man exactly what a rectum is. He leaves red faced.)

Don’t Hold Your Breath For This One
 

Don’t Hold Your Breath For This One

Pharmacy | Boulder, CO, USA | Right | July 16, 2010


(I am counseling a patient on using an inhaler.)

Me: “Do you know how to use an inhaler, sir?”

Patient: “Nope, never used one.”

Me: “Okay, you’ll want to begin inhaling, and then depress the inhaler as you are breathing in. Then, hold your breath for as long as possible to allow the medication to be absorbed into your lungs.”

Patient: “Oh, sort of like smoking pot…”

Hollywood, M.D.
 

Hollywood, M.D.

Pharmacy | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Right | July 1, 2010


(A customer comes to the counter with a bleeding hand.)

Customer: “Have you got a first aid kit back there? I caught my hand and it’s bleeding.”

Me: “Of course. I’ll go get it.”

(I come back with the kit and take out some antibiotic ointment and some bandages.)

Customer: “Oh, I shouldn’t need the bandages.”

Me: “Are you sure? It’s bleeding quite a lot.”

Customer: “Well, that ointment will just fix it, won’t it?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “That stuff you’ve got in your hand, that’ll just heal it up right?”

Me: “This helps it heal faster and prevents it from getting infected, but it doesn’t heal it immediately.”

Customer: “Don’t you have the stuff that just fixes it right away?”

Me: “I don’t believe they have anything that does that, ma’am.”

Customer: “They do, I saw it before!”

Me: “Where did you see it?”

Customer: “I saw it on some movie. I don’t want that stuff there. I want the stuff I saw in the movie. Just get that stuff and fix this already, will you?”

Medication Frustration
 

Medication Frustration

Pharmacy | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Right | June 28, 2010


Customer: “I’m picking up a prescription for [name].”

Me: “Okay. Just a second.”

(I check the drawer for the prescription and can’t find it.)

Me: “When did you order it?”

Customer: “Well, I saw the doctor on Monday.”

Me: “So you came in on Monday?”

Customer: “No, I went to the doctor’s on Monday.”

Me: “Okay, so when did you drop your prescription off?”

Customer: “What do you mean? I went to the doctor.”

Me: “And did he give you a piece of paper that said what drugs you needed?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “That’s a prescription. You need to bring it here so that we know what you need.”

Customer: “But I saw the doctor on Monday! Why didn’t he do it?”

Me: “That’s not his job. That’s what pharmacists are for.”

Customer: “So what, he’s a doctor but he’s not a pharmacist? Look, I saw him on Monday so he probably just did it then. You’re just not looking hard enough. Look for the things done on Monday!”

The Truth Is A Bitter Pill To Swallow
 

The Truth Is A Bitter Pill To Swallow

Pharmacy | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Right | June 25, 2010


Customer: “Why isn’t my prescription ready yet?”

Me: “We’re trying to get in contact with your doctor because of a problem with the prescription. You’re profile says you’re allergic to penicillin. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Oh yeah, that stuff is real bad for me!”

Me: “The medication your doctor prescribed has penicillin in it, so we’re trying to get a hold of him to find out what he wants you to take.”

Customer: “Oh, well, he wants me to take the penicillin. That’s what he wrote down, right?”

Me: “Yes, but you said you were allergic to it.”

Customer: “But he’s a doctor, so he knows what’s best. If that’s what he wrote, then just give me that.”

Me: “Well, we’ll check with him first to make sure that it’s safe for you.”

Customer: “Of course it’s safe for me or the doctor wouldn’t have prescribed it! He probably just cured my allergies. Check my old prescriptions; I bet he prescribed me something to cure my allergy!”

Retired & Extremely Dangerous
 

Retired & Extremely Dangerous

Pharmacy | Georgia, USA | Right | October 18, 2010


Me: “Thank you for call [Pharmacy], may I help you?”

Elderly Female Customer: “I would like to get these two of my medications refilled and I want to pick them up tomorrow afternoon.”

Me: “Okay ma’am, that will be fine. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Elderly Female Customer: “Honey, you can come to my house and do me anytime.”

Me: “I, uh, oh, uh…”

Elderly Female Customer: “I hope I didn’t offend you, but I’m old so I can say things like that!”

Discount Discounted
 

Discount Discounted

Pharmacy | Sherman Oaks, CA, USA | Right | September 29, 2010


Me: “And do you have a free rewards card with us, ma’am?”

Customer: “A what? I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know.”

Me: “If you think you have one, I can look it up by your phone number?

Customer: “My what?”

Me: *louder* “Your phone number, ma’am.”

Customer: “I don’t have one of those! I don’t think I have one! I don’t have a phone number! I don’t have one!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s fine. Your total today is $26.74, and just to let you know, you could have saved $5.90 if you had the rewards card.”

Customer: “A discount? My phone number is ***-****.”

Will Power On Aisle 2
 

Will Power On Aisle 2

Pharmacy | Canada | Right | September 28, 2010


Teenage girl: “Do you guys sell that contraceptive abstinence?”

Me: “Abstinence?”

Teenage girl: “Yeah! Abstinence! I read that it’s the only 100% way to not get pregnant!”

Me: “That’s right. But, abstinence is to not have sex. Like abstain from.”

Teenage girl: “Well, that just sucks!”

Misunderstood ‘Total Coverage’
 

Misunderstood ‘Total Coverage’

Pharmacy | Detroit, MI, USA | Right | September 17, 2010


Me: “Our records show you’ve never had a prescription filled here before, so I’ll need an ID and your insurance.”

Customer: “Here’s my ID. I don’t have my insurance on me, but it’s through [car insurance company].”

Me: “Sir, I think that’s your car insurance. Do you have health insurance?”

Customer: “You mean there’s more than one kind?”

Feeling Pooped
 

Feeling Pooped

Pharmacy | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Right | September 12, 2010


(A couple approaches the counter.)

Me: “Can I help?”

Customer: “Yes, can you give me advice about his stool?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t give medical advice. Perhaps you’d like to speak to our pharmacist, or consult your doctor?”

Customer: “No, I’m sure they’re very busy. I just want someone to tell me if it’s normal.”

Me: “The law says I can’t give advice. Let me get the pharmacist.”

Customer: “No, really, I have some here.” *whips out a clear bag of poo on the counter* “See, it’s all gritty. That’s not normal, is it? Do you have pills for that?”

Me: “Ma’am, you might want to take that to your doctor. We can’t accept biological waste.”

Customer: *to her husband* “See, Joe, I told you it was wrong. That’s why I save them.”

On The Bright Side, There Are Worse Orifices
 

On The Bright Side, There Are Worse Orifices

Pharmacy | | Right | July 15, 2009


Me: “*** Pharmacy, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, your medicine is defective.”

Me: “Sir, why don’t I get your information so I can take a look at your profile.”

Customer: *gives his name and date of birth*

Me: “I see that the last prescriptions you filled were antibiotic and drops for your ear infection. Are your symptoms still bothering you?”

Customer: “Yes, and how the h*** do you expect me to fit this giant pill in my ear?”

Me: “Sir, that’s an antibiotic tablet. It’s meant to be taken orally.”

Rectify The Situation
 

Rectify The Situation

Pharmacy | UK | Right | August 12, 2010


Customer: “Hi there, do you sell rectums?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Rectums. I need a rectum. do you sell them?”

Me: “Why do you need it?”

Customer: “I have some tablets here and it says ‘insert via rectum’ and as I don’t have one, I thought I better buy one.”

Me: “I think I better call the pharmacist in.”

(I call the pharmacist in who explains to the man exactly what a rectum is. He leaves red faced.)

The Truth Is A Bitter Pill To Swallow
 

The Truth Is A Bitter Pill To Swallow

Pharmacy | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Right | June 25, 2010


Customer: “Why isn’t my prescription ready yet?”

Me: “We’re trying to get in contact with your doctor because of a problem with the prescription. You’re profile says you’re allergic to penicillin. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Oh yeah, that stuff is real bad for me!”

Me: “The medication your doctor prescribed has penicillin in it, so we’re trying to get a hold of him to find out what he wants you to take.”

Customer: “Oh, well, he wants me to take the penicillin. That’s what he wrote down, right?”

Me: “Yes, but you said you were allergic to it.”

Customer: “But he’s a doctor, so he knows what’s best. If that’s what he wrote, then just give me that.”

Me: “Well, we’ll check with him first to make sure that it’s safe for you.”

Customer: “Of course it’s safe for me or the doctor wouldn’t have prescribed it! He probably just cured my allergies. Check my old prescriptions; I bet he prescribed me something to cure my allergy!”

Retired & Extremely Dangerous
 

Retired & Extremely Dangerous

Pharmacy | Georgia, USA | Right | October 18, 2010


Me: “Thank you for call [Pharmacy], may I help you?”

Elderly Female Customer: “I would like to get these two of my medications refilled and I want to pick them up tomorrow afternoon.”

Me: “Okay ma’am, that will be fine. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Elderly Female Customer: “Honey, you can come to my house and do me anytime.”

Me: “I, uh, oh, uh…”

Elderly Female Customer: “I hope I didn’t offend you, but I’m old so I can say things like that!”

Discount Discounted
 

Discount Discounted

Pharmacy | Sherman Oaks, CA, USA | Right | September 29, 2010


Me: “And do you have a free rewards card with us, ma’am?”

Customer: “A what? I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know.”

Me: “If you think you have one, I can look it up by your phone number?

Customer: “My what?”

Me: *louder* “Your phone number, ma’am.”

Customer: “I don’t have one of those! I don’t think I have one! I don’t have a phone number! I don’t have one!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s fine. Your total today is $26.74, and just to let you know, you could have saved $5.90 if you had the rewards card.”

Customer: “A discount? My phone number is ***-****.”

Will Power On Aisle 2
 

Will Power On Aisle 2

Pharmacy | Canada | Right | September 28, 2010


Teenage girl: “Do you guys sell that contraceptive abstinence?”

Me: “Abstinence?”

Teenage girl: “Yeah! Abstinence! I read that it’s the only 100% way to not get pregnant!”

Me: “That’s right. But, abstinence is to not have sex. Like abstain from.”

Teenage girl: “Well, that just sucks!”

Misunderstood ‘Total Coverage’
 

Misunderstood ‘Total Coverage’

Pharmacy | Detroit, MI, USA | Right | September 17, 2010


Me: “Our records show you’ve never had a prescription filled here before, so I’ll need an ID and your insurance.”

Customer: “Here’s my ID. I don’t have my insurance on me, but it’s through [car insurance company].”

Me: “Sir, I think that’s your car insurance. Do you have health insurance?”

Customer: “You mean there’s more than one kind?”