It’s Barely Cute When A Child Does It…

Bizarre, Convenience Store, Extra Stupid, Harassment, USA, Wyoming | Romantic | December 19, 2017


(I’m standing in line when I notice the bottle of tea I’m holding has leaked all over my shoes and the floor. I let out a little cry of shock and head back to the cooler to replace it. When I get back up front, the guy who was standing behind me in line is checking out.)

Guy: *turns around* “Haha, I beat you!”

(I just stare at him incredulously.)

Guy: “So, how you doin’?”

(My eyebrows couldn’t possibly go higher.)

Guy: “Just not going to say anything, huh?”

Me: “‘Haha, I beat you.’? Are you five years old?”

Guy: *goes a little red* “No! Just, I know you were up here… but then I… I got to the counter first.”

Me: “Yup. Congratulations.”

Guy: “And, uh… You’re pretty. So, I’m hoping I could get your number.”

Me: “Wow, seriously? No. If you want a woman’s number, try acting like a man instead of a child.”

(He left in a hurry.)

Making A Blanket Statement About The Rest Of Your Lives

Bedroom, Bizarre, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, home, Oklahoma, Oklahoma City, Silly, USA | Romantic | December 18, 2017


(My boyfriend is a born and raised Hawaiian. Being part of the military, his posts have put him in deserts. As you can imagine, therefore, it doesn’t take much to get him cold. He hasn’t been in Oklahoma for very long, either, so winter nights are always fun. I, on the other hand, get hot way too easily. To keep the bill low, he has elected to keep the AC and heater off and rely on blankets and fans. One night, I wake up shivering, which rarely happens. That’s when I notice all the blankets are bundled at his feet. I’m still groggy, so I pull at the blankets to no avail.)

Me: “Babe. Babe, share.”

Boyfriend: *mumbles something*

Me: “I can’t understand you, and I’m cold. Share the blankets.”

Boyfriend: “They’re for my toes.”

Me: *rolls eyes* “So, we’ll tuck them in again.”

Boyfriend: *turns and looks me in the eye, then speaks in a very stern voice* “This is just the way it has to be now.”

(He then turned back around and went back to snoring. I finally managed to wrangle the blankets from him, doing my best to not laugh too loudly. He doesn’t remember ever saying that, and I don’t intend to let him live it down any time soon.)

Farming Out The Same Old Story

Car, home, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA, Washington | Romantic | December 17, 2017


(My wife has had her car for nine years and is very sentimentally attached to it, but it has to go, as its transmission has just failed, and it is far too small to haul around the coming baby. I manage to find a buyer for just a couple hundred bucks who’ll use it until it’s kaput and then junk it. I sign the papers, take the money, and shake hands with the guy, and then call my wife at work as he drives off.)

Me: “Hi, honey. It’s sold and gone.”

Wife: “Where are they taking it?”

Me: “I assume to his home?”

Wife: “Is he taking it to a farm?”

Me: *catching on* “Yes. To a nice farm where there will be lots of space for it to drive around with other cars and play all day.”

Wife: “And it can chase scooters and cyclists?”

Me: “You bet. It might even catch a few.”

Wife: “Okay, I feel better, then. See you tonight.”

Their Relationship Literally Survived Some Bumps In The Road

Car, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners, USA, Virginia | Romantic | December 16, 2017


(My husband has called me back from work because he is excruciating pain. By the time I get home, I can’t find him. I finally track him down in the bathroom, hugging the toilet while expunging his insides. I’m really, really scared at this point because he does not act like this, ever! I finally get him into the car and drive to the emergency room. His pain is increasing and he’s still vomiting. I get to the hospital and am watching for signs that point to the emergency room. Remember, I have never driven anyone to the hospital before, and I am freaking out!)

Husband: “Watch out for the speed bump.”

Me: “I see it; it’s fine.”

(It was not fine. I hit all five speed bumps too fast, and unevenly, making us rock back and forth, causing my husband to cry out in pain, but I got him into the emergency room. It turned out he had a kidney stone. While laying in bed, he turned to me and told me I was never to drive him to the emergency room again.)

Ignorance To Make You Say “Oh, Baby”

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, home, Kentucky, USA | Romantic | December 15, 2017


(My boyfriend and I are laying in bed one day after spending the day together and I am having fairly bad cramps, as my period has just started. I reach over and put his hand on my stomach where I’m cramping to somewhat comfort me.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, that’s where a baby would be!”

Me: “Yeah, well, that’s where it hurts…”

Boyfriend: *with look of confusion on his face* “Oh! Hmm… I guess that makes sense.”

Daddy Isn’t Welcome Here

Awesome Workers, Comeuppance, Food Stand, Harassment, USA, Utah | Romantic | December 14, 2017


(I’m taking orders at the front end of the food stand, while the owner works the grill next to me, and my coworker — a burly middle-aged man — does prep at the back of the tent. I’m a female in my mid-20s, I have a lot of health issues, and my coworkers are a little protective of me.)

Customer: “I’d like one chocolate and one vanilla custard.”

Me: “Great, that’ll be $5. There’s about a three-minute wait. Can I get a name for the order?”

Customer: *winks lecherously* “Call me ‘Daddy.’ It’s pretty loud out here; you might have to scream it.”

Me: “Next customer, please!”

(I keep serving, but I’m thoroughly creeped out. After a few minutes, the guy’s order comes up, and the owner notices me turning pale when he hands the food to me. After a quick explanation, he tells me to go take a break at the back. He then calls up my coworker and they talk briefly.)

Coworker: *bellowing* “Hey, Daddy!”

(The customer walks up, looking nervous.)

Coworker: “Here’s your $5. We are refusing you service.”

Customer: “What? No! I want my food! Make her serve me my food!”

Coworker: “Sir, my daughter is not going to serve you food. My son, on the grill, is not going to make you food. Take your money and get out, a**hole.”

Customer: “F***!” *storms off*

(He left his $5 behind. I got his food AND the money.)

Daddy Isn’t Welcome Here

Awesome Workers, Comeuppance, Food Stand, Harassment, USA, Utah | Romantic | December 14, 2017


(I’m taking orders at the front end of the food stand, while the owner works the grill next to me, and my coworker — a burly middle-aged man — does prep at the back of the tent. I’m a female in my mid-20s, I have a lot of health issues, and my coworkers are a little protective of me.)

Customer: “I’d like one chocolate and one vanilla custard.”

Me: “Great, that’ll be $5. There’s about a three-minute wait. Can I get a name for the order?”

Customer: *winks lecherously* “Call me ‘Daddy.’ It’s pretty loud out here; you might have to scream it.”

Me: “Next customer, please!”

(I keep serving, but I’m thoroughly creeped out. After a few minutes, the guy’s order comes up, and the owner notices me turning pale when he hands the food to me. After a quick explanation, he tells me to go take a break at the back. He then calls up my coworker and they talk briefly.)

Coworker: *bellowing* “Hey, Daddy!”

(The customer walks up, looking nervous.)

Coworker: “Here’s your $5. We are refusing you service.”

Customer: “What? No! I want my food! Make her serve me my food!”

Coworker: “Sir, my daughter is not going to serve you food. My son, on the grill, is not going to make you food. Take your money and get out, a**hole.”

Customer: “F***!” *storms off*

(He left his $5 behind. I got his food AND the money.)

Photo-Perfect Finish

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, home, Oklahoma, Photography, Silly, USA | Romantic | December 13, 2017


(My boyfriend has recently won a fairly prestigious contest for a short story he wrote. As a result, the organization running the contest needs a picture of him for publicity purposes. In spite of being a very lovely person, my boyfriend has what can only be described as “resting b**** face” and doesn’t smile much, to the point that he often has to reassure people who have just met him that he doesn’t dislike them, but that’s just the set of his face. He also absolutely hates pictures of himself.)

Me: “Umm… Okay, just stand by the those trees, I guess.”

Boyfriend: “Okay.”

Me: *snapping a few photos that honestly aren’t terribly good* “Erm… Here, let me try this.”

(I hold my camera way above my head, as my boyfriend is more than a foot taller than I am. This is an improvement, but the photos are still “meh” at best.)

Me: “You know, you could try to smile.”

Boyfriend: “No.” *tries to look even more serious*

Me: “Yeah, yeah, because you’ve got to look like a harda**, even when you’re accepting an award!”

(He starts to laugh, and I manage to snap a photo of it.)

Me: “HA! I did it! I got a picture of you smiling!”

Boyfriend: “D*** it.”

(That was the picture he sent off, and one of the better ones I’ve managed to take of him!)

We Do Not Cover Crazy Girlfriends

Bizarre, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Office, Ohio, Phone, USA, Wild & Unruly | Romantic | December 12, 2017


(I answer the phone in our office as part of my daily duties. Every once in a while, we get a call in this vein:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Office], a part of [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need to know who you think you are, b****!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO GET WITH MY MAN?!”

Me: “I’m sorry. You might have a wrong number. This is an [Office] agency. We sell and administer insurance products from [Company].”

Caller: “Oh, don’t give me that s***. You’re trying to mess with my man. This number comes up on his call list every day for a week. Sometimes more than once! Who are you, and what are you doing with my man?”

Me: “Well, does he have one of our products? Perhaps we’re working with him regarding his coverage.”

Caller: “No! I know you’re just trying to steal my man! And if you call him again, I will find you!”

Me: “We are located on [Street]. Look for the [Company] sign that says [Office]. We sell coverage for homes and vehicles, as well as life and financial products.”

Caller: *hangs up*

Allergic To Dairy And Dip-S***s

Bad Behavior, Dating, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Jerk, London, Restaurant, UK | Romantic | December 11, 2017


(I am allergic to dairy; I will go into shock if I have even a small amount. A surprisingly large amount of stuff has dairy in it and I hate making people wait while I check whether something will kill me, so I often go for the easiest thing on the menu. I meet this guy online and we go to a coffee shop to meet, safely, in person. I ask for soy in my drink and he asks if it is for flavour reason; I state it being a dietary requirement, but we don’t talk much about it further than that. We decide to continue with the relationship, and a week or so later we go on our first date. He chooses an Italian place for dinner, which is a very risky place for me go to. I find it a little odd, considering the coffee shop, but I just go for a vegan dish to be safe. A few weeks later, he invites me out to a steak place. I have never been to this place and I can’t find a website to check their menu prior to going. It’s a little bit worrying, but I know most dairy in a steakhouse is in the optional sauces. When I arrive, my date keeps glancing at me, which I don’t really understand. We are seated and given menus, and he is now staring at me intently.)

Me: “What?”

Date: *somewhat smugly* “You won’t find anything vegan on the menu.”

Me: “What’s your point?”

Date: *smug look falters* “Huh?”

Me: “I said, ‘What’s your point?’ I’m not vegan.”

Date: “But… The soy? And at the Italian place?”

Me: “I’m allergic to dairy. Severely allergic, actually, so vegan is a safe choice for me. You took me to a steakhouse thinking I was a vegan?” *pause* “And you thought I would accept it if I was a vegan?”

Date: “W-Well, I thought it would be funny to watch you struggle.”

Me: “You wanted to watch the little vegan get upset over not being able to eat off the menu. Wow.”

Date: “But this is great that you’re just allergic! That means you’re fine to be with!”

Me: “What?”

Date: “Yeah, cause vegans are crazy! You don’t f*** crazy!”

(I stare at him.)

Me: “You’re totally right; you don’t f*** crazy. I don’t f*** crazy, or stupid, or a**holes. See ya.”

(I get that some vegans are in your face about it, but that guy was just a jerk.)



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Allergic To Dairy And Dip-S***s

Bad Behavior, Dating, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Jerk, London, Restaurant, UK | Romantic | December 11, 2017


(I am allergic to dairy; I will go into shock if I have even a small amount. A surprisingly large amount of stuff has dairy in it and I hate making people wait while I check whether something will kill me, so I often go for the easiest thing on the menu. I meet this guy online and we go to a coffee shop to meet, safely, in person. I ask for soy in my drink and he asks if it is for flavour reason; I state it being a dietary requirement, but we don’t talk much about it further than that. We decide to continue with the relationship, and a week or so later we go on our first date. He chooses an Italian place for dinner, which is a very risky place for me go to. I find it a little odd, considering the coffee shop, but I just go for a vegan dish to be safe. A few weeks later, he invites me out to a steak place. I have never been to this place and I can’t find a website to check their menu prior to going. It’s a little bit worrying, but I know most dairy in a steakhouse is in the optional sauces. When I arrive, my date keeps glancing at me, which I don’t really understand. We are seated and given menus, and he is now staring at me intently.)

Me: “What?”

Date: *somewhat smugly* “You won’t find anything vegan on the menu.”

Me: “What’s your point?”

Date: *smug look falters* “Huh?”

Me: “I said, ‘What’s your point?’ I’m not vegan.”

Date: “But… The soy? And at the Italian place?”

Me: “I’m allergic to dairy. Severely allergic, actually, so vegan is a safe choice for me. You took me to a steakhouse thinking I was a vegan?” *pause* “And you thought I would accept it if I was a vegan?”

Date: “W-Well, I thought it would be funny to watch you struggle.”

Me: “You wanted to watch the little vegan get upset over not being able to eat off the menu. Wow.”

Date: “But this is great that you’re just allergic! That means you’re fine to be with!”

Me: “What?”

Date: “Yeah, cause vegans are crazy! You don’t f*** crazy!”

(I stare at him.)

Me: “You’re totally right; you don’t f*** crazy. I don’t f*** crazy, or stupid, or a**holes. See ya.”

(I get that some vegans are in your face about it, but that guy was just a jerk.)

That’s The Problem With Going In As Number Two

Florida, home, Revolting, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | December 10, 2017


(We only have one bathroom.)

Partner: “I’m about to take a shower. You want to use the bathroom first?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I accidentally end up spending 15 minutes in there. As I exit, I turn on the fan.)

Me: “So… About your shower.”

Partner: “Yeah. I think I’ll wait on that.”

Bouncing Through Alternative Names

Florida, home, Language & Words, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | December 9, 2017


(My partner dislikes bras. We’re going off-roading.)

Partner: *sighs dramatically* “I have to wear the anti-boob-bouncing device.”

(I laughed.)

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Geeks Rule, home, Silly, USA | Romantic | December 8, 2017


(My boyfriend and I are curled up on the couch drinking and watching a movie. He burps a lot when he’s drunk.)

Me: “I love you!”

(All of a sudden, my boyfriend starts burping a ton.)

Me: “What was that?”

Boyfriend: “I just said, ‘I love you,’ in Morse code.”

Best Not Get That Gift-Wrapped

Family & Kids, home, Spouses & Partners, Tennessee, USA | Romantic | December 7, 2017


(I’m currently seven months pregnant. My due date is estimated to be the same month as my birthday. I’m on Facebook and see some fun things my friend did for her birthday.)

Me: *to my husband* “Do you want anything special for your birthday? I know it’s a ways off, but with the baby coming I figure we need to plan things way in advance now.”

Husband: “Cake. Homemade; we can’t afford anything else.”

Me: “Okay.” *after a pause* “What do I want for my birthday? Well, I was thinking of having a party! A book-swap or something. I can’t drink. Anything. But I could serve caffeine-free teas, and everyone could bring their favorite books, and we could all switch them up and…” *I go on rambling like this for a few minutes* “What do you think? Should I do that? Or something else?”

Husband: “You get a baby. That’s what you get for your birthday.”

(It turns out, I was too tired with the new baby to want to plan anything, so I just had a few friends over to play board games, and I fell asleep in the middle of them, anyway.)

Manage For Years To Come

Family & Kids, Geneva, home, Ignoring & Inattentive, Spouses & Partners, Switzerland | Romantic | December 6, 2017


My husband works in a different town and only comes home on the weekends. He’s been doing that for over ten years now, and I am completely in charge of our seven-year-old son when he’s not around.

Last month he decided he needed a bit of time off, so he took a month of vacation; he’d accrued three months’ worth of days off to use. At the end of the month at home, he said to me, “You know, I’m glad I had this time off. Now I know you can manage our son all by yourself.”

Really? It only took him seven years to figure that out?

For The Love Of Pod!

Australia, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, home, Melbourne, Silly | Romantic | December 5, 2017


Me: “You folded and put away my laundry? Who are you and what have you done with my real girlfriend!?”

Girlfriend: *starts to cough because she has the flu on top of hay-fever*

Me: “No wonder you’re sick! You’re not my real girlfriend at all! YOU’RE A DECOMPOSING POD PERSON!”

Girlfriend: “So… Want to have sex with a decomposing pod person?”

Plan Ruined By A Single Response

Bank, Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal, Harassment, Ohio, USA | Romantic | December 4, 2017


(I am a teller at a bank. An elderly man comes up to my window.)

Elderly Man: “Hello, there.”

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Elderly Man: “Are you married?”

(Older customers tend to be chatty, so I’m used to this line of questions.)

Me: “No, I’m not.”

Elderly Man: “Are you single?”

Me: *getting slightly weirded out by the way he’s looking at me* “Yes.”

Elderly Man: “Do you have a boyfriend?”

(At this point, I’m just ready for him to go, and I’ve finished his transaction.)

Me: “Yes, I do.”

Elderly Man: “Oh, too bad. I was going to kidnap you.” *calmly walks away*

(Apparently having a boyfriend means I can’t be kidnapped!)

This Is Not A Normal Relationship

Bigotry, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Canada, College & University, Love/Romance, Ontario, Toronto | Romantic | December 3, 2017


(My classmate has a new boyfriend whom she already adores. For the purposes of this story, I feel that it’s important to mention that she is a white girl, and this is her first interracial relationship.)

Classmate: “He is such an amazing guy! I can actually see a future with him! I swear, I am going to marry this guy and be the mother of his children!”

Me: “Wow, that’s really neat, and I’m happy for you!”

Classmate: “Yep! You’re looking at the future Mrs. [Ethnic Last Name], here! Oh, but our kids are going to have normal names.”

Me: *mildly shocked* “Wait, what do you mean by ‘normal’ names?”

Classmate: “You know, just normal, traditional names, like John, Sarah, David, Amanda, etc. We’re not giving them [Ethnicity] names.”

(I just couldn’t continue this conversation with her. But I have developed a tremendous amount of respect for her boyfriend, who is still with her to this day, and has shown an equally tremendous amount of patience for her.)

Diving Into The Deep End Of Double Standards

Bigotry, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Canada, Coworkers, Fights/Breakups, Jerk, Pool | Romantic | December 2, 2017


(I’ve recently graduated and have returned to my old pool job to pay off some student debt. A lot of my coworkers are younger, and they sometimes like to gossip about office romance. I stay out of it, but this one time I have to step in. Note, both [Coworker #1 ] and I are female, while [Coworker #2 ] is male. At the time this takes place, no one is in the pool, so we are doing some cleaning jobs.)

Coworker #1 : “I can’t believe [Coworker #3 ] already has a new girlfriend. He and [Coworker #4 ] only broke up last week. It seems to soon.”

Coworker #2 : “Did you know that he was seeing [Coworker #5 ] on the side up until he met this new girl?”

Coworker #1 : “What?”

Coworker #2 : “Yeah, he does that a lot. It wouldn’t surprise me if he has someone new in week or two.”

Coworker #1 : “How does he get all these girls? He treats them like crap.”

Coworker #2 : “Hey, it’s not his fault. The girls make it too easy for him.”

(At this, both [Coworker #1 ] and I stop and look at him.)

Coworker #1 : “What did you say?”

Coworker #2 : “Well, it’s beyond his control. The girls are making it too easy for him to get dates and he can’t help himself. It’s not his fault really.”

Coworker #1 : “Do you even realize what you’re saying?”

Coworker #2 : “What? I’m just stating the facts—”

Me: *interrupting* “I’m sorry; are you really saying it’s the girls’ fault that he’s an a**hole?”

Coworker #2 : “What?”

Me: “You’re saying that it’s the girls’ fault that [Coworker #3 ] treats them like crap.”

Coworker #2 : “Oh, no, I was just saying that they are making it too easy for him.”

Me: “So, he’s exempt from blame and allowed to treat girls like trash because they give him a chance?”

Coworker #2 : “Oh, no, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Me: “What did you mean, then? Especially when you said, ‘He can’t control himself; he can’t be at fault, really.’? Or even when you said, ‘The girls make it too easy for him.’?”

Coworker #2 : “I just meant… I… uh…”

Coworker #1 : “Dude, she’s got you there.”

([Coworker #2 ] got a good lesson on double standards that day.)