Prescription Affliction

Pharmacy | New York, NY, USA | Right | March 27, 2013


(I am a pharmacy technician. The pharmacist receives a call.)

Caller: “This is Lisa; I am calling from Dr. [Name]’s office. I need to call in a prescription for a patient.”

Pharmacist: “Sure, what is the patient’s name?”

Caller: “It is [Patient].”

Pharmacist: “And the prescription?”

Caller: “It’s [narcotic], 90 pills, three times a day.”

Pharmacist: “Okay, thanks.”

(The pharmacist hangs up and turns to me, frowning.)

Pharmacist: “Do you know anything about this?”

Me: “What? No, why?”

(The pharmacist shows me the called-in prescription.)

Me: “Oh! Lisa was fired months ago. You had better call the police.”

(When Lisa came in to pick up the narcotic prescription for her boyfriend, the police were there to arrest her. The doctor she used to work for is my father; she was trying to use his license number to get pills from a dozen nearby pharmacies.)

He Came First

Pharmacy | ACT, Australia | Right | March 19, 2013


(Two customers enter at the same time. One is a woman, and the other is a man in his 70s. I get their scripts ready. As the woman is done first, I send her up to the tills while I finish with the man. Since there is another customer at the tills, I end up putting the man through before the woman is served.)

Woman: “I was here first! How come he is served before me? What does he have that I don’t?

(The man responds without a second thought.)

Man: “Raw sex appeal.”

(If I was allowed to discount scripts, I would have given him his for free.)

High School Dropouts Work On The Pharm

Pharmacy | Boston, MA, USA | Learning | March 12, 2013


(I work as a pharmacy tech at a chain pharmacy. I am also currently in pharmacy school and will be a pharmacist one day.)

Customer: “You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Can I help you with something?”

Customer: “No! I refuse to be helped by a high school dropout! You should be ashamed of yourself for working where children can see you! You are going to make them think that it is okay to not have an education!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not a high school dropout. I have a high school diploma and I am currently in pharmacy school working towards a Doctor of Pharmacy. I am going to be a pharmacist one day.”

Customer: “Stop lying! I have never heard of a pharmacist before. You are a high school dropout!”

Manager: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes! Your employee is lying to me! She says she is going to be a pharmacist! That job doesn’t exist!”

(The manager looks at our pharmacist who is near tears from laughing so hard.)

Manager: “Ma’am, see the man over there? He’s the one who filled your prescription. He is a pharmacist.”

Customer: “No he isn’t! He just counts pills! You don’t need school for that!”

You Can’t Make This Advice Up

Pharmacy | Australia | Working | March 11, 2013


(I am buying some make-up for myself. I have oily skin and very mild acne, so my dermatologist has recommended using powder foundations. I’m a student working part-time so I can’t afford the high range stuff, but I still buy reliable branded products.)

Cashier: “Are you wearing this now?” *screws up her nose at my powder*

Me: “Um yeah, I always get that one.”

Cashier: “Well, you should get [famous brand] matte foundation instead. We’ve got it for like $80. I bought some myself.”

Me: “Oh thanks, but I can’t really afford it! I like this powder because I just want some light coverage for blemishes and it looks quite natural. And it’s on special for $38, which sounds good to me!”

Cashier: “Ugh, but you’re so pale, and I can see you’ve got some gross little pimples by your chin! This stuff is way better. See?”

(The cashier points at her own face. True, she doesn’t seem to have any acne showing, but she hasn’t blended it to her neck and consequently looks like she is wearing a mask. On top of this, she seems to have applied several layers of the stuff and a load of bronzer, so the makeup resembles orange cake mix, set off nicely with false eyelashes and bright blue eyeshadow.)

Me: “Oh, yeah it is quite nice… but I think I’ll stick with my powder.”

Cashier: “Whatever…” *rolls eyes* “You’ll find the cheap tanning sprays over in the corner!”

They’re Obviously Married To That Idea

Pharmacy | New York, NY, USA | Working | February 17, 2013


(I am a college student and picking up my inhaler from a local pharmacy. I’ve just gotten a new prescription insurance card and need to have the information changed. Since I’m under my parents’ insurance, the card is in my father’s name.)

Me: “I’d like to pick up my prescription and update my insurance.”

(I hand the pharmacy tech the insurance card.)

Tech: “This is under a guy’s name. You’re a girl.”

Me: “Yes, that’s my father’s name. I’m included under his insurance.”

Tech: “So, you’re under your husband’s insurance. Let me see if I can update that.”

Me: “Father, not husband.”

Tech: “What’s your husband’s date of birth?”

Me: “That’s my father, not my husband, and it’s [date].”

Tech: “Wow! You look young to be married to someone that old.”

Me: “For the third time, I am under my father’s insurance. I’m not married.”

Tech: “Oh. Okay. Well, I need to show this to the pharmacist on duty.”

(She walks over to the pharmacist, who is still within my earshot.)

Tech: “Hey, this girl is under her husband’s insurance and I need help updating her info…”

Me: *facepalm*

Mistaken Shaken Medication

Pharmacy | LA, USA | Right | February 17, 2013


(I am counseling a customer who is receiving a prescription for her child’s strep throat. As she’s signing for the prescription, I give her directions on the medication.)

Me: “It needs to be shaken well.”

(All of a sudden, she starts shaking the electronic pen that is attached to the signature pad. After a moment she stops.)

Customer: “You meant shake the medicine, didn’t you?”

A Mother’s Duty

Pharmacy | LA, USA | Right | February 12, 2013


Me: “Thank you for calling the pharmacy. How may I help you?

Customer: “Hi, my fiancè’s mother is incompetent, and I am going to be helping out with her medicines.”

(When she says ‘incompetent,’ I am thinking she might want to transfer the woman’s meds to our pharmacy, has a question about her drugs, or something of the sort.)

Me: “Okay, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “Since she is incompetent, I think she is going to need some kind of diaper or underwear. So, what do y’all sell there?”

This Story Just Drugs On And On And On

Pharmacy | TX, USA | Right | February 9, 2013


(I work at a pharmacy, both as a tech and at the till when necessary. It is a Sunday, so the pharmacy is not heavily staffed. The sole customer waiting is a man, late 20s to early 30s, wearing a pink button-up shirt.)

Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

Pink Guy: “Six for [Name].”

(I search the current container and find five prescriptions. It’s not uncommon for a prescription to be put in adjacent containers if the proper one is too full, which this one likely was. I search the other containers but don’t find anything.)

Me: “One sec, I have to check the computer.”

(I check the computer. I do verify he has six prescriptions to pick up.)

Me: “Sorry about that. Can I verify the date of birth, please?”

Pink Guy: “What is this? You want my date of birth now?”

Me: “Yes sir, to verify the prescription.”

Pink Guy: “You guys never asked for that before.”

(I am roughly two years’ tenure in the pharmacy, and that has been a part of policy since day one.)

Me: “If I could just verify the date of birth to make sure there isn’t another person with the same name?”

Pink Guy: “It’s not very likely you’d have two people with the same exact name. I suppose you want me to verify my social security number in case someone has both my name and my birthday?”

(We actually do have two people with the same name and birthday.)

Me: “Not necessarily. I would go by address or phone number first.”

Pink Guy: “I’m not comfortable giving you my date of birth.”

Me: “I already have a date of birth here. I just need you to verify at least the month and the day.”

Pink Guy: *crossing his arms* “Fine. But just know that you’ve never asked me for this before and I’ve been coming here for years. It’s [birthday].”

Me: “Thank you, sir.” *check each of the prescriptions* “Okay. And I have all six prescriptions.”

Pink Guy: “Six?”

Me: “Yes, sir, six prescriptions.”

Pink Guy: “Not seven?”

Me: “Was there more?”

Pink Guy: “There should be one more.”

Me: “Okay, let me check the computer.”

(I go back to the computer, and re-enter him just to refresh the data. I verify each prescription that I have and make sure he doesn’t have another one that he usually refilled; none pop out.)

Me: “I only have six prescriptions for you, sir.”

Pink Guy: *with an inflection implying I’m a moron* “And there aren’t any for my wife?”

Me: “Oh, I see. It’s under another name.” *without asking him, I query by address, and find his wife. I see that she does have a pending prescription, but there’s a catch* “Did you call it in today?”

Pink Guy: “Yeah, I called it in this morning. It said it’d be ready tomorrow but I figured you guys would have it ready by now.”

Me: *explaining casually* “Well, not exactly. You see, when you call it in it actually gets picked up by an outside pharmacy and they fill it and ship it to us next-day. You did it through the automated system, right?”

Pink Guy: “Well, yeah. I’ve done it before and you guys had it ready.”

Me: “Well… I’m not sure about that time, but I do know the automated system tells you when the pickup is and then asks if you want it earlier; if you select that you want it earlier it sends it to us. Maybe that just didn’t go through this time.”

Pink Guy: “No, I just assumed you’d have it ready by now.”

(Well, at least he’s honest.)

Me: “Well, I’m sorry but we don’t. But I can pull it and we can fill it here. The pharmacist is out to lunch, but when he gets back in about ten minutes he’ll fill it right away. Do you have some shopping you could do or would you like to wait in the waiting area?”

(The pharmacist is behind the counter, but I’m not going to bother him unless I absolutely have to.)

Pink Guy: “No! I don’t have time for all of this crap! If you guys aren’t ready I’ll just waste my time and gas and get it tomorrow! I’m in a hurry!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir.”

(I start scanning and bagging the prescriptions. He reaches across the counter at me to tear the bag away from me.)

Me: “Excuse me, just a sec, sir. I need you to verify the information on the screen.”

Pink Guy: “I thought you already verified everything. That’s why I gave you my date of birth!”

Me: “I need you to verify everything on the screen. Make sure all of the information is correct and hit ‘next’ in the lower-right of the screen.”

(Without looking at the screen, he hits the ‘back’ button at the lower-left.)

Me: *re-initializing the verification phase* “It’s the ‘next’ button on the lower-right, sir.”

(Second time’s the charm. He still doesn’t look at the screen.)

Me: “And if you could sign to verify you’ve picked up the prescriptions.”

Pink Guy: *mutters a signing-my-life-away cliche* “There. Are we done?” *extends his hand, expectantly*

Me: “Not quite. Your total comes to $20.”

Pink Guy: “Are you kidding me!? You make me go through all that and then you expect me to fork over $20? I have insurance! It covers everything! You must not have run it through, you idiots. Go check your little computer and you’ll see. I have never had to pay anything for my meds!”

(I go to the computer and refresh his information.)

Me: “It shows here we ran it through [Insurance]. They paid [amount] toward the prescription, leaving you with a co-pay of $20. The last time you got it, on [date], they paid [amount minus $20] and therefore you had a $40 co-pay. And you’ve had a $40 co-pay the last 3 times you picked this medication up.”

Pink Guy: “This is ridiculous! Whatever.” *pulls out his checkbook* “Can I get $100 cash-back?”

Me: “No, sir, the limit is $50. And, I’m sorry, but I don’t have enough in my till.”

Pink Guy: “Well… can’t you get more?”

Me: “I could, but it’d be faster for you if you just got a bottle of water and get cash-back up at the front.”

Pink Guy: *standing up defiantly* “I’m not making two transactions. I’ll wait.”

Me: “Okay. Your total is $70, and the date is [date].”

Pink Guy: “You said it was $20 before!”

Me: “Right. $20, plus $50 cash-back is $70.”

(He proceeds to write his check.)

Pink Guy: “Can I have my cash-back?”

Me: “I need to run the check first.”

(With a great show of impatience and contempt he tears the check out and hands it to me. It’s policy to verify the check by hand before running it through the feeder. Before even turning it my direction, I see he hasn’t signed it.)

Me: “Could you please sign the check?”

(He clicks his pen and makes a very dramatic and flourish display of signing the check.)

Me: “Thank you.” *I start to validate the check, the date is wrong by a few days* “I’m going to change it to today’s date and initial it, okay?”

Pink Guy: “Fine, whatever.”

(I check everything, saving the amount for last since I know it’s cash-back and I want to verify they match properly. But… there’s a problem.

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I’ll need you to write a new check.”

Pink Guy: “What the he-why!?”

Me: “Because. You wrote the amount for $120, but the limit for cash-back is $50, and that’s how much I asked for.”

Pink Guy: “Well here!” *takes the check from me, scribbles all over it, and writes the new amounts in as tiny as he can above the errata* “There. You need my driver’s license?”

Me: “No, sir, I need you to write a new check. This one is illegible and I can’t accept it into my till.”

Pink Guy: “Screw you! Fine, forget the cash-back. I’ll just pay with my card.”

(He pulls the card out, and swipes it. But it’s too fast, I have to hit a button first.)

Me: “Okay, your card is ready to swipe.”

Pink Guy: “I already swiped it.”

Me: “I wasn’t ready in time, sorry. I have to hit a button for it to take. It’s ready now, though.”

Pink Guy: “The machine said it was ready!”

Me: “That’s the default screen. It always says that. I know it’s irritating. I wish they’d change it.”

(He swipes his card again, and poises with his pen. I expect him to start with the card transaction, but notice he’s still standing there after a second.)

Pink Guy: “Well?”

(I look at my screen, and realize it hasn’t taken the card still. I clear it and prime it again.)

Me: “Try it again, please?”

Pink Guy: “No! You’ll charge me twice!”

Me: “It won’t charge you twice. I promise. It only charges when you approve the amount and sign.”

Pink Guy: “If it charges me twice I’ll get you fired.”

Me: “I promise. It won’t charge you twice.”

(He poises with the card and practically stares me down as if judging the worth of my soul as he slides the card through. It’s then I notice the magnet strip is in his fingers.)

Me: “May I see your card, sir?”

Pink Guy: *apparently giving up, he responds less angrily than I expected* “Take it.”

(I take the card and swipe it through the correct way, setting it on the counter. Once again he poises with the pen, waiting for the prompt, and again, I notice it’s taking him a tad longer than other people. I look at the screen just as he comments.)

Pink Guy: “It’s still not doing anything.”

(I pick up his card, and take in a breath. It’s a ditch effort, but I enter the card number manually. No dice. I hand his card back.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, your card won’t go through. Do you have another method of payment?” (It has been rejected.)

Pink Guy: “What the h***!” *literally throws the card at me, hitting my chest, and I catch it* “That’s a new f****** card! Of course it’ll take! Your computer is stupid!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir.”

(He leaves, and I continue the day setting any emotions aside to deal with for later. I put his credit card in with one of the scripts and make a note of it for whoever has to handle it. Later that week, the pharmacist, who had been sitting behind the counter that whole time, talks to me during a slow hour.)

Pharmacist: “Hey, [My Name], you remember Mr. [Pink Guy] from the other day?”

Me: “Yeah, what about him?”

Pharmacist: “His wife came by the next day. I did the transaction. She picked up all seven scripts. She didn’t say anything about the price. Paid with a perfect check, and got the $50 cash-back.”

Me: “So, she didn’t give you any trouble?”

Pharmacist: “No, not at all.”

Me: “Well, good. At least that whole thing happened on a slow day.”

Pharmacist: “Yeah. Anyway, here.” *takes a Barnes & Noble gift card from his smock pocket and sets it on the counter* “Consider this an apology from Mr. [Pink Guy].”

(The gift card was for $75.)

Needs To Take A Chill Pill

Pharmacy | Portland, OR, USA | Right | January 29, 2013


(I’m at a chain company pharmacy/mini-stores getting a bottle of water. As I pass by the pharmacy, I witness an exchange between a very burly, muscular customer and a short, skinny female clerk.)

Customer: “I need to refill my prescription.”

Clerk: “Well, I’m sorry, but according to our systems, you have no refills left. You’ll need to contact your doctor and get a new prescription.”

Customer: “What?! I want my pills. Give me my pills!”

(The exchange continues for a while, with the customer getting more and more agitated. The clerk appears to be frightened and close to tears. The commotion is drawing the attention of the people around.)

Customer: “You dumb b****, are you f***ing stupid? Give me my pills or there will be a problem.”

(At this point, I step between him and the clerk behind the counter.)

Me: “Look buddy, she already said that she’s not giving you pills and told you what to do. So you better just listen to her, leave, and stop making an a** of yourself.”

(For a moment he looks like he is going to hit me, then just stomps away swearing under his breath.)

Me: *to the clerk* “I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

Clerk: “It’s alright. Thank you for that. Here, that water is on me, okay?”

Paging Charlotte On Aisle 5

Pharmacy | NJ, USA | Right | January 16, 2013


(I am at the cashier, ringing up a long line of people. I notice when customers walk in, they suddenly skirt around the theft detectors. A lady approaches the counter.)

Lady: “There is a big spider in the entrance!”

(Note: I don’t want to leave the counter because of the enormous line.)

Me: “Okay, cool.”

Lady: “You have to kill it. You work here.”

Me: “It’s not hurting anyone.”

(The lady’s husband chimes in.)

Husband: “Kill it, she’s right!”

(Everyone in the line seems to agree with the lady and her husband.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll just move it outside.”

Husband: “No, kill it!”

Me: “No, it wont do any harm out there in the parking lot.”

(I move the spider outside.)

Lady: “I can’t take it anymore!”

Me: “Can’t take what?”

(Suddenly, the lady grabs a basket made for carrying products outside and finds the spider. She starts violently smashing the red basket on the spider.)

Lady: “Why is it not dying?!”

(It turns out the basket has little legs on the bottom, preventing it from making contact with the spider. She eventually figures this out and kills it, but not before it charges her one last time and causes her to flip out!)

Paging Insecurity

Pharmacy | Oakland County, MI, USA | Right | January 16, 2013


(I am a customer in this pharmacy store late at night. As I walk up to the counter, a male customer is loudly complaining to a male cashier about ‘the gays.’ Being a lesbian, I’m gathering up the courage to say something when the following happens.)

Male Customer: “The gays keep trying to turn everyone!”

Male Cashier: “It must be rough.”

Male Customer: “How do you mean?”

Male Cashier: “I have a handful of gay friends, and no matter how much time I’ve spent with them, I’ve never wanted to have sex with other dudes. I’m just saying it must be rough to have such a tenuous hold on your sexuality that you’re always worried about being turned by the slightest contact. I feel for you.”

(It takes a moment, but the male customer realizes what the male cashier is saying.)

Male Customer: “…Hey, f*** you, buddy!”

Male Cashier: “You want to f*** me? Oh god, it’s happening now! There must be a gay in the store! Run!”

Customer: *screaming* “Go to h***!”

(The customer then runs out of the store. As I put my stuff up on the counter, the manager runs up from one of the aisles.)

Manager: “What the h*** was that?”

Cashier: “Oh, I’m probably just getting a customer complaint in the morning. Totally worth it… I’ll explain later.” *to me* “Sorry about all that. How are you tonight?”

Me: “If I was straight, I would totally be giving you my number right now.”

Antisocial Behavior Is Its Own Reward

Pharmacy | Jersey City, NJ, USA | Working | January 9, 2013


(About three months prior, we hired some new help since we were severely understaffed at our pharmacy. Two of the workers are doing very well. One, on the other hand, is not. Today, it’s a bit busier than normal, and unfortunately the not-so-good worker is the only one I have to back me up on the register. Note: In October we switched our rewards cards.)

Coworker: “Do you have [Rewards Card]?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s right here.” *pulls out our current rewards card*

Coworker: “Sorry, but we have a new one now that we switched to.”

Customer: “I was told this is the new one.”

Coworker: “Yeah, but we have a newer new card.”

Customer: “Well, what’s going to happen to my points?”

Coworker: “I can switch you, but I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

Customer: “Well, this is stupid! Why do you keep changing it up?!”

(By this point, I finish cashing out my own customer and speak up.)

Me: *to the customer* “Ma’am, I can assure you, the card you’re holding is our current rewards card. I have no idea why he’s lying to you.” *to my coworker* “For God’s sake, don’t do that.”

(My coworker shuts up for the rest of the transaction. After all the customers are cashed out and gone, I confront him.)

Me: “You cannot do that to the customers! What the h*** are you thinking?”

Coworker: “Man, I been doing that, and I’m gonna keep doing it! It’s what keeps me sane here!”

Kids Will Send Any Parent To The Funny Pharm

Pharmacy | Sacramento, CA, USA | Right | January 1, 2013


(I am taking a refill order over the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [pharmacy]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to refill a couple of prescriptions. This one I have the number for.”

(She proceeds to give me the number, and while I am running the prescription through her insurance I hear some kids playing in the background.)

Me: “Okay, so that one went through just fine. What is the next one?”

Customer: “I don’t have the number, but can you look it up for me? It’s my birth control.”

(I look in the customer’s file and sure enough it’s there. But while I am running it, the playing in the background has turned into a serious screaming and fighting match.)

Customer: *embarrassed* “And this is why I am refilling the birth control. Can’t you tell?”

Super-flu-ous Advice

Pharmacy | AB, Canada | Right | December 10, 2012


(It’s currently flu season, and we are offering flu shots.)

Me: “Alright, sir. We got you all set. Have you gotten your flu shot yet?”

Customer: “Ah, no. I don’t get a flu shot. I don’t get the flu, sweetie.”

Me: “Wow, you must be lucky.”

Customer: “You want to know my secret, dear?”

Me: “What’s your secret, sir?”

Customer: *leans in close* “You see now, chickens, cows, pigs: they get the flu. So, if you don’t eat them, you don’t get the flu! You remember that now!”

Me: “Um, okay, sir. I will. Have a nice day

Their Problems Will Only Multiply From Here

Pharmacy | Alabama, USA | Working | December 10, 2012


(I am training a new girl. One basic of our job involves 3rd-4th grade level math. We are both in our twenties.)

Me: “Okay. They are taking two, four times a day. How long will it last?”

New Girl: “Uh…”

Me: “What’s 2 times 4?”

New Girl: “…12?”

A Paucity Of Verbosity

Pharmacy | UK | Working | November 25, 2012


(I need to get some prescription medication, and decide to use the opportunity to get some exfoliating cream, which helps remove dead skin.)

Me: “Hi, this is a prescription I need filled. Can you also tell me where you keep the exfoliating creams?”

Cashier: “…The what?”

Me: “Exfoliating creams?”

Cashier: *slowly* “Ex-fooo-liating creams…” *turns to her manager* “What’s exfoliating creams?”

Manager: *to me* “They’re right this way.”

Cashier: “Sorry, I haven’t learnt big words yet!”

Might We Prescribe A New Job

Pharmacy | Ontario, Canada | Working | November 22, 2012


(I’ve just come from the emergency department of the hospital, with instructions to fill two prescriptions immediately. I’m obviously sick and having difficulty breathing. It’s about 9:30 PM, which is 30 minutes before closing.)

Me: “I have a severe corn allergy, so can you please double-check the ingredients on those before filling them?”

Pharmacist: “No.”

Me: “…Pardon? ”

Pharmacist: “Almost all medications are made with corn starch, you know. I don’t think I can fill them.”

Me: “My understanding is that very few prescriptions meds have corn in the them. Can you check them please?”

Pharmacist: “No. I don’t have the ingredients.”

Me: “Aren’t they on the bottle?”

Pharmacist: “No.”

Me: “Can you look them up somewhere? Online or in a compendium?”

Pharmacist: “No.”

Me: “I really need these medications immediately.”

Pharmacist: *sighs* I guess I could leave them for someone tomorrow, and they could call the company.”

Me: “I need them tonight. I’m not sure what to do.”

Pharmacist: “I’m sure you’ll be fine. There’s only a little bit of corn starch in a pill.”

My Husband: “NO! Didn’t you hear her? She’s ALLERGIC!”

Pharmacist: “Well, there’s nothing I can do tonight. I guess I can keep these until tomorrow and someone else will deal with it.” *wanders off*

(I called another pharmacy in the same chain, and they were able to check the ingredients immediately. We retrieved my prescriptions from the unhelpful pharmacist, and my husband made a complaint the next day. It turned out he was a temp and was fired.)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16

Pharmacy, Recession | ON, Canada | Right | November 13, 2012


Customer: “Excuse me, miss? I’d like a $20 iTunes card, but there are none here.”

Me: “Oh, yes. Unfortunately we haven’t received that shipment yet. But we do have the $10 cards.”

Customer: *frustrated* “But I want a $20 card.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you could always buy two $10 cards instead.”

Customer: *yelling* “That doesn’t equal 20 dollars!” *storms out of the store*

Discretion Is The Better Part Of Disclosure

Pharmacy | England, UK | Working | October 10, 2012


Coworker: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I need… um…”

(The customer is clearly too embarrassed to speak, so she pulls out a piece of paper and writes what she wants down.)

Coworker: *reads the paper and looks over at me* “HEY, [my name], WHERE DO WE KEEP THE THRUSH CREAM?”

Me: *facepalm*

Contraception Misperceptions

Pharmacy | Oslo, Norway | Right | October 5, 2012


(I am a pharmacist working at 24-hour pharmacy. This takes place on a late Sunday evening.)

Female Caller: “Hello, um… I… um… you know the morning after pill?”

Me: “Yes, certainly. What would you like to know about it?”

Female Caller: “Is there an anti-morning after pill?”

Me: “Sorry? An anti-morning after pill?”

Female Caller: “Yes. You see, this guy, he came around today, and he brought some flowers and everything, so now I’m kind of regretting taking that pill. So is there an anti-morning after pill I could take?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, there isn’t such a thing.”

Female Caller: “Oh, that is a shame. Do you think they will make one?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but I really don’t think they will.”

Female Caller: “Really? Oh, that is a bummer.” *hangs up*

Not Quite Registering

Pharmacy | Ontario, Canada | Working | August 25, 2012


(A customer pays with a fifty dollar bill. Spotting it, the pharmacist on duty grabs his wallet and asks the cashier to give him the fifty for two twenties and a ten.)

Coworker: “I can’t do that!”

Me: “Why not? He’s giving you $50 for $50.”

Coworker: “But my till will be wrong!”

Me: “How? You take out the fifty, and put in two twenties and the ten. The totals are still the same.”

Coworker: “But I won’t have the fifty, and the register will KNOW!”

Good Things Come In Small Dosages

Pharmacy | New York, USA | Right | August 15, 2012


(My coworker at the pharmacy has been working with a customer who seems to be having the worst day. Unfortunately, my coworker is the victim of the customer’s mood, and he has reduced the poor girl to tears. Behind this customer is a young father in his mid-20s and his three sons, aged probably six, two, and less than a year old. The young father is clearly upset with the behavior of the customer in front of him, but, probably for the sake of his children, is keeping his mouth shut. Out of nowhere, his six-year-old son speaks up.)

Six-year-old Son: “‘Scuse me, sir? I think you’ll probably get what you need easier in life if you’re nice to people. You’re making the pretty lady sad and she didn’t do anything wrong.”

Customer: *clearly shocked* “Didn’t your father here teach you to mind your own business, son?!”

(The young father is actually grinning proudly, and reaches over to high-five his son.)

Father: “Actually, I taught him not to raise his voice at good, honest people.”

Customer: *clearly embarrassed, pays and leaves quickly*

Six-year-old Son: *to my coworker* “Can I give you a hug? If anyone gives you trouble, call me!”

(My coworker was very impressed by the brave little boy’s actions, while his father proudly teared up. I doubt the family will ever have to pay at our pharmacy again, and my coworker has a new best friend!)

There’s No Business Like My Business

Pharmacy | California, USA | Right | August 9, 2012


(I work at a well-known retail pharmacy. One night while I’m still new on the job, I’m manning one of the cash registers.)

Woman: “Hi, where is your baking soda?”

Me: “Um, I can’t guarantee that we have baking soda, but if we do, it would be in Aisle 3.”

Woman: *goes off to look for it*

(15 minutes later, the customer comes through my line with her baking soda.)

Me: “Oh, I see you found it! I’m glad we carry it.”

Woman: “If you hadn’t, I would have been very frustrated, and I would never have come here again!”

(I think she’s joking and laugh a bit.)

Me: “Well, I’m certainly glad you found it!”

Woman: *completely serious* “I did that to [other retail store] when they didn’t have lettuce, and they went out of business within a week!”

Me: *pause* “Um… I’m REALLY glad you found the baking soda, then.”

A Knight In Patrolling Armor

Pharmacy | Costa Rica | Right | August 2, 2012


Me: “So, your total is going to be of 30 thousand colones (60 USD). Here you go, and have a nice day.”

Customer: “Oh, you’re so nice. Thank you, too. I was wondering if you could do something else for me?”

Me: “Sure, what is it?”

Customer: “I was told at my church that they needed more members, and I was asked to bring a few. Would you mind to come?”

Me: “Well, I apologize, but I wouldn’t like to.”

Customer: *gets defensive* “Why? Don’t tell me you think we’re all cultists that don’t care about God!”

Me: “I’m sure you’re not, but I don’t want to go.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not, then? I already told you we’re nice people, so why don’t you go?!”

Me: “Ma’am, if I offended you I apologize, however I don’t want to go. It’s not because you’re nice people or not; it’s because I’m an atheist.”

Customer: “So, you don’t believe in God, is that it? Well, f*** you! You’re going to Hell! What are you going to tell me next, that you’re a f***ing queer?”

Me: “In fact, I am a homosexual, but—”

Customer: “That’s all I needed to know! Being gay is a sin!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “F*** no! You’re kicking me out because I’m a Christian! That’s illegal, and it’s bulls***!”

(At this point, a man behind her speaks up. Note that he is a police officer in full uniform.)

Officer: “No, he’s kicking you because you already paid and you’re disturbing the peace. So, I’m going to give you my recommendation: Leave now, or I’ll arrest you.”

Customer: *suddenly pales and leaves without saying a word*

Me: “Thank you very much, Officer. Now, how may I help you?”

Officer: “Actually I didn’t need anything. I was just patrolling when I heard the conflict. However, now that you mention it…” *he blushes a little* “…I need to ask, would you go out in a date with me?”

Me: “…Of course!”

(The officer and I have now dating for nearly half a year.)

Never Say No To La Novia

Pharmacy | Roselle, NJ, USA | Right | July 10, 2012


(I am watching my girlfriend’s two-year-old sister near the counter while she does her shopping. Her sister is learning to talk in Spanish, so I’m quizzing her with colors. While we’re playing, a seven-year-old girl approaches us and asks to play because she takes Spanish at school. Everything is fine until the girl’s mother comes.)

Mother: “Leona, what are you doing? You know not to bother people.”

Me: “Oh, she’s not, ma’am. She just asked to play with me and my girlfriend’s sister.”

Mother: “Girlfriend?” *thinks for a few moments* “Oh, a close friend! Sorry, I was thinking you meant a girl you were dating.”

Me: “I did. I am dating a girl. This little girl is her sister and your daughter was just playing with us. She wasn’t bothering us.”

Mother: “What?! Leona, you were playing with a homo?!? Come over here, right now!”

(In tears, the girl slowly approaches her mother, who yells at her about how she knows better than to interact with “h***-bound sinners” like me. She then chides me for “sinning” around such a small child, referring to my girlfriend’s sister. While I’m speechless, a man comes up, who I assume is the girl’s father.)

Father: *to the mother* “I got the rest of the stuff. What are you yelling about?”

Mother: *to her daughter* “Tell Daddy what you did!”

(In hysterics, the girl tells her father what happened, ending her telling by clinging to his leg and apologizing over and over. I’m feeling dreadful and very guilty and am near tears myself. But to my surprise, this happens.)

Father: *to the mother* “Are you serious?! What is wrong with you?! I don’t even know why I came out with you! Just go wait in the car! Sheesh!”

(The mother, now apparently embarrassed, exits the store. The father calms his daughter down and apologizes to her and me before leaving. Right after they leave, my girlfriend comes up, having seen the whole thing.)

My Girlfriend: “I actually know that family. The father moved in next door to me two weeks ago. That girl’s parents are divorced and her parents have joint custody of her, but today is her birthday and she wanted to be with both of them together. They said yes to make her happy, but I don’t think that’ll happen again.”

(A few weeks later, my girlfriend tells me the father got full custody of his daughter. Now, she and my girlfriend’s sister play together on a daily basis, and I occasionally help her with her Spanish homework.)

No Scan, No Scam

Pharmacy | Newton, NJ, USA | Right | July 10, 2012


(I work in a store in a small town where most of the customers are elderly and sweet. If a price doesn’t come up, I will generally trust a customer if they say they know the exact price.)

Me: “Oh, there’s no bar code on this.”

Customer: “Well, it was $39.99, but I guess that doesn’t help you.”

Me: “Well, I can enter it manually. You’re sure it was $39.99?”

Customer: “Actually, it was…$19.99.”

Me: “Sir, do you really want me to call for a price check and make you and all the people behind you wait ten minutes for someone to come up here?”

Customer: *defeated* “…It was $39.99.”

Plz Change Abbrev, Stat

Pharmacy | London, UK | Right | July 9, 2012


(If a customer gets regular medication from a pharmacy, they can have a Medicine Use Review (MUR). It’s basically talking through their meds with a pharmacist. I answer this call from a sweet elderly caller.)

Me: “Hello, pharmacy.”

Customer: “Um hello, someone just delivered my medicine. The bag has a sticker on it that says “Patient eligible for MUR.” What it is MUR?”

Me: “It stands for “Medicine Use Review,” which involves discussing your medicines with the pharmacist. However, those labels are meant for our reference, so I apologise that it’s been put on your bag by mistake. Sorry if it caused confusion.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s alright, dear. I just thought MUR might be short for murder!”

Me: “Er no, ma’am! Don’t worry, no one is going to murder you!”

Customer: “Oh, good! Thank you very much!”

Not Ever Working

Pharmacy | TN, USA | Working | July 9, 2012


(The pharmacy I work at has just lost several techs at once, so we’ve hired a few new people. One of these new coworkers isn’t working out at all.)

Pharmacist: “Hey, could you help out in the front for a minute? I think [coworker who isn’t working out] could use a hand.”

Me: “Sure. Hi, [regular customer], what can I do for you?”

Regular Customer: “Oh good, I’m trying to get a refill.”

New Coworker: *to Regular Customer* “I keep telling you, you don’t have any!”

Me: *to Regular Customer* “Let me just check on it for you.”

New Coworker: *to me* “Why? I already told him he didn’t have one.”

Me: “Actually, he has enough refills for the rest of the year. What are you looking at?”

New Coworker: “No, you’re wrong. I know what I saw!”

Regular Customer: “I knew I had some..I was starting to think I was going to have to call my doctor. Thank you so much, [my name]!”

New Coworker: *to Regular Customer* “You need to leave right now. GET OUT!”

Me: *to New Coworker* “Whoa, what do you think you’re doing? You do not have ANY authority to kick a patron out.”

New Coworker: “He’s being unruly.”

Me: “What? No, he’s not. You’re just being rude.”

New Coworker: “No, you’re just trying to make me look stupid. I know exactly what I saw.”

(I examine my new coworker’s computer screen.)

Me: “You were looking at the wrong person.”

New Coworker: “No, I wasn’t!”

Me: “Sorry, but the name on your screen is a woman’s. [Regular Customer] is a man. It happens.”

New Coworker: “You changed it!”

Regular Customer: “Are you kidding me? Listen kid, you were wrong. It’s not that big of a deal. It happens. Just man up already.”

New Coworker: “You, shut up! I’m not talking to you, old man!”

(The pharmacist has been listening to the entire conversation. He decides he’s had enough.)

Pharmacist: *to New Coworker* “Get over here, right now!”

New Coworker: *rudely* “I’m BUSY! I’m trying to work, but—”

Pharmacist: “Get your stuff. You’re fired.”

New Coworker: “You can’t fire me!”

(At this point, the store manager also comes over.)

Store Manager: “I can. Get your stuff. You are not longer employed here.”

New Coworker: “YOU CAN’T FIRE ME! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG! YOU PEOPLE ARE JUST TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID!”

Regular Customer: “No one has to try and make you look stupid, son. You’re doing a fine job of that all by yourself.”

(My coworker carried on and screamed obscenities. We ended up having to call the police to remove him from the store!)

Feeling Man-strual

Pharmacy | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada | Right | June 24, 2012


(I am working the prescription counter when a big, burly 6-foot or so tall man comes to the counter. Note: I am a female.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Um, I think…” *trails off*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir…could you say that again?”

Customer: *leans in close* “I think I got my first period.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “I’m bleeding down there, and I’m really hurting in my stomach.”

Me: “Sir, men don’t get those. You need to go to the hospital.”

Customer: “I knew you girls would be insensitive! I’m leaving!”

(I didn’t see him again. I still hope he got to a hospital!)

Employees Are Sharper Than You Think

Pharmacy | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Right | June 20, 2012


(Pharmacy law in Utah says that it’s up to the pharmacist’s discretion if they want to sell insulin needles/syringes without a prescription. Our store has the policy that the patient either has to have a prescription for the syringes or for an injectable medication on file.)

Customer: “I need to get some syringes.”

Me: “Okay, I need your name so I can look up the prescription.”

Customer: “Actually, they’re not for me. They’re for my mom.”

Me: “Okay, what’s her name?”

Customer: “Well, not my mom. My best friend’s mom who’s like a mom to me.”

Me: “What’s her name?”

Customer: “Actually, it’s for her dog.”

Me: “What’s the dog’s name?”

Customer: “I…don’t know.”

Me: “Then I’m not selling you any syringes.”

Customer: *walks away in defeat*

Contextual Innuendos

Pharmacy | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Right | June 19, 2012


(I’m at work on a Saturday with a clerk and a pharmacist. I notice the clerk speaking with an elderly woman out front but don’t think much of it. A few minutes later, the clerk comes back with a strange expression on her face and tells me I have to go help the woman.)

Me: “What can I help you with?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a vibrator.”

Me: “A…vibrator?”

Customer: “Yes. I had one, but I used it too much and it wore out.”

Me: “I don’t think we have anything like that. Where did you buy the first one?”

Customer: “At another pharmacy, but I want one with a long handle so it can reach better.”

(At this point I’m biting the inside of my cheek in an effort not to laugh.)

Me: “What kind of vibrator are you looking for, exactly?”

Customer: “You know! One of those that rub your feet!”

Me: “OH! Sorry, we don’t have anything like that.”

Not Lacking For Laxatives

Pharmacy | Long Island, NY, USA | Right | June 17, 2012


Me: “**** Pharmacy, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I gotta question for you: I drank a whole thing of prune juice like water, and now I’m s***ing my brains out.”

Me: “Okay, and what did you need to know?”

Customer: “Is your generic of ducolax the same thing?”

Me: “Yes. Same thing.”

Customer: “Okay, good, because I’m gonna need a plug soon or something!”

Getting Burned Can Be A Pain In The Butt

Pharmacy | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Right | June 15, 2012


(It is a very windy day during summer, and a power line has blown over in the field behind our store.)

Me: “Hello, [pharmacy] how may I help you?”

Customer: “I need to see if you have [hemorrhoid cream] in stock.”

Me: “Alright, let me check…”

(At this point, I put him on hold to check our stock when a fireman walks in. He tells us they are evacuating all the buildings in the area, and that we have 5 minutes to get out. I go back to pick up the phone so the customer isn’t on hold forever.)

Me: “Sir, we do have it in stock. However, I can’t help you right now. I’m being told to evacuate the building.”

Customer: “Does it have aloe vera in it?”

Me: “I don’t know. As I said, I need to hang up. Please call back tomorrow.”

Customer: “Can you see if you can order it for me?”

Me: “Sir, there is a field fire right behind the pharmacy and I really can’t answer your questions right now. I was told by the fire department to evacuate. Please, call back another time.”

Customer: “Well, fine then. I’ll just get it somewhere else!” *hangs up*

Out Of Brain Cells

Pharmacy | Maple Grove, MN, USA | Working | May 22, 2012


(At the pharmacy where I work, I do a lot of training of new employees. This day’s trainee is particularly slow on the uptake.)

Me: *to new employee* “Now, when the customer pays in cash and just hands you a bill, you should repeat back to them how much they gave you. For example, when a customer gives you a $20 bill, you say, ‘Out of $20,’ as you make change.”

(This is a technique to help avoid after-the-fact disputes about the denomination of the bills customers hand over.)

New Employee: “Got it.”

(The customer walks up and pays cash, handing him a $20. The new employee says nothing.)

Me: *to new employee* “What are you forgetting?”

New Employee: “Um…”

Me: “Say the amount they gave you.”

New Employee: “Oh, right…”

(The next three customers all pay cash, and as they each fork over a crisp clean $20 bill, the new employee performs flawlessly, verifying that it is indeed “Out of $20” with each transaction. I think he’s finally gotten it down until the fourth customer.)

New Employee: “That will be [price].”

Customer #4: *hands over credit card*

New Employee: “Out of $20!”

Me: *facepalm*

Time To Start Screening Customers

Pharmacy | USA | Right | May 19, 2012


(A customer slams a bottle of sunblock on the counter.)

Customer: “This is worthless! I can’t believe you sell this!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir.” *examines the empty bottle* “But this is the highest protection factor we have.”

Customer: “Well, it’s crap! I want a refund!”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t refund an empty bottle; it’s store policy.”

Customer: “Well, what do you expect?! I have two large windows!”

A Game Of Kat And Birdie

Pharmacy | Georgia, USA | Right | April 5, 2012


(I work at a pharmacy and we are very busy, causing a few customers having to wait. The last woman in line finally steps up.)

Me: “I apologize for your wait. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Does your name tag say your name is Kat?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Did you have some crazy new age parents or something? Why would they name you after an animal? That’s just dumb! You should have a good sturdy name, like mine!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but what can I help you with?”

Customer: “I need a refill.”

Me: “Of course. Can I get your date of birth?”

Customer: *gives me her date of birth* “And the prescription is under Birdie.”

Me: “Okay, it’s put in and will be ready in 15 minutes.”

Customer: “Thank you. I’m sorry you have such a foolish name.”

Pharmacist: “Did that woman just tell you your name was foolish and complain about people with “animal” names?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Pharmacist: “But her name was Birdie…”

Less Is More, More Or Less, Part 3

Drug Store, Pharmacy | Omaha, NE, USA | Right | March 30, 2012


(Our store regularly runs a promotion on the various vitamin brands for ‘BOGO’, buy 1, get 1 free. A customer comes up to the register with a bottle of a brand on the BOGO promotion. I am also an avid couponer and I regularly take in coupons for items we carry that I won’t use so that I can give them to customers.)

Me: “Sir, I see you’re buying a [brand] item. This week we currently have this whole line at Buy One, Get One Free. If you do get another one, I also have a coupon I can give you which is good for $2 off two items. So instead of getting one for $9.99 you can get 2 for eight bucks and change.”

Customer: *quite angrily* “What the h*** is wrong with you people? I just want my vitamins. Why are you always trying to push me to buy extra stuff and give you more money!?”

Me: “I’m…sir, I apologize. I probably wasn’t clear you’ll get twice as many vitamins and spend two dollars less—”

Customer: “Oh f*** this. You’re all scam artists!” *storms off without paying*

Me: *stares in disbelief*

Next Customer:“So…can I use that coupon?”

No Pain, No Vain

Pharmacy | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Right | March 29, 2012


(A customer comes in to return a home leg waxing kit.)

Me: “Can I ask why you are unsatisfied with this product?”

Customer: “It hurts!”

Me: “Yes, because waxing involves ripping the hair out by the roots.”

Customer: “Well, it shouldn’t hurt!”

You Better Belize It

Pharmacy | Belize | Right | March 19, 2012


(I live in Belize. A lot of tourists think they can get away with anything in my country. One day, a foreigner walks into the store.)

Customer: “Can I get some Diazepam?”

Me: “Do you have a prescription?”

Customer: *tries to look bewildered* “Do I need one?”

Me: “Yes, especially since it’s a controlled substance.”

Customer: “It is?” *scoffs* “Well I didn’t know that. Some Xanax, then.”

Me: “That is a controlled substance too. Valium, Xanax, alprazolam, lorazepam, diazepam…they’re all controlled.”

Customer: “Well, then!” *hurriedly walks out of the store*

Why You Always Bring Your Own Dinnerware

Pharmacy | Graham, NC, USA | Right | March 3, 2012


(An elderly lady approaches the counter.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need some dish bags.”

(Unaware of what dish bags are, I assume she means dish rags.)

Me: “I’m not sure what that is and if we carry it. I would look in the cleaning section.”

Customer: “Well, my doctor said I could get it here.”

Me: “Okay, well I would check that aisle.”

(The customer leaves and returns after a couple minutes.)

Customer: “I didn’t find them!”

Me: “Can you tell me again what it is you need?”

Customer: “Dish bags.”

Me: “And you say your doctor told you to get them here?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry. I’ve never heard of dish bags and I don’t believe I’ve seen anything like that here.”

Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous! What am I going to do?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, would you like me to ask our pharmacist about them?”

Customer: “Yes!”

(I go get the pharmacist to assist me.)

Pharmacist: “So, what is a dish bag used for?”

Customer: “Jeeze! You clean your lady parts with it!”