That’s One For The Books

Pharmacy | Working | May 23, 2016


Me: “Can I get a book of stamps, please?”

(The clerk opens the drawer under the counter where they keep the stamps. She takes out a book of stamps…and another…and another…and another until every book of stamps in the drawer is on the counter.)

Clerk: “These are all we have. Is this enough for a whole book?”

Maybe You Didn’t Say What You Thought You Said

Pharmacy | Right | May 17, 2016


(We have a lot of multicultural customers come into our store and as I love languages I like to ask about their accents and learn a phrase or two if I can. A young woman and her elderly mother have been talking in another language before coming to my register.)

Me: “Hi there, did you find everything okay? And do you mind me asking what language that was?”

Daughter: “It’s a dialect of Italian.”

Me: “How would I say ‘have a nice day’?”

Mother: “Fi una bella giornata.”

(As I hand them their purchases.)

Me: “Well, then, fi una bella giornata!”

Daughter: “Very good!”

(The mother then says something in Italian before slapping me in the rear.)

Mother: “Maybe I find you boyfriend!”

Could Have Survived That Better

Pharmacy | Working | April 30, 2016


(I work with a small mom and pop pharmacy for several years. Due to budget cuts it is necessary to layoff an employee. After discussing our options the owner decides to fire a technician who, though friendly, is relatively lazy. This is when Survivor first debuted.)

Boss: “So, [Coworker], you’ve been voted off the island.”

Coworker: “…”

Me: “…”

Doesn’t Have The Drive To Study Geography

Pharmacy | Right | April 21, 2016


(As I ring up a customer’s purchases, she gets chatty.)

Customer: “My neighbor is from Puerto Rico.”

Me: “That’s neat!”

Customer: “Yeah. Have you ever been to Puerto Rico?”

Me: “No, I haven’t. It would be nice to visit, though.”

Customer: “I think I’m going to try to go with them to visit sometime.”

Me: “That sounds fun.”

Customer: “How long do you think it takes to drive to Puerto Rico?”

Me: *thinking she’s kidding* “Oh, about as long as it takes to invent a floating car.”

Customer: “Oh. So, like, a long time?”

Me: “Yeah…”

Understands The Condom Minimum

Pharmacy | Right | April 21, 2016


(Working in a busy pharmacy, a teenage boy and his girlfriend came up to the counter.)

Boy: “I’m looking for the condoms.” *smiling at his girlfriend, she’s looking embarrassed*

Me: “Aisle 10, right hand side.”

Boy: “Yeah, but you see, I need some extra-large condoms. The regular ones are way too small for me.” *smirking at his girlfriend*

Me: “Seriously?”

(I stand back, heave my leg up on the counter and point to it.)

Me: “See this ankle? I recently broke it, and had a cast on. I used regular-sized condoms on it to waterproof it when I had showers. If your penis is larger than this—” *pointing to my leg still up on the counter* “—then I seriously suggest you keep it away from her—” *pointing to girlfriend* “—as it’s going to do some serious damage!”

Trash-Talking Hits The Bottom Of The Barrel

Convenience Store, Pharmacy | Right | April 8, 2016


(I work in a city where the people have to buy city trash-bags that are expensive. We had to get rid of our trash barrel from outside the store because people started throwing away their home trash in it.)

Customer: *walking in with bag full of trash* “Do you have a barrel so I can throw away my trash?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we had to get rid of it.”

Customer: “Well, why?”

Me: “Because people started to bring their home trash to our store and leave it around our barrel because they didn’t want to buy city bags.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. Where am I supposed to throw away my trash?”

Me: “At home with your city bags?”

You’ve Got Me In A Box Here


Customer: “Hi. I need some tablets. You know the one I got last time? I didn’t come here but it comes in a box.”

Me: “…”

I Can Hear You Dumb And Clear

Pharmacy | Right | March 29, 2016


(I have just started working at my local pharmacy. It’s my first time answering the phone and I’m really nervous.)

Me: “Pharmacy, this is [My Name]. Can I help you?”

Caller: “HELLO?? HELLLOOOO?”

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Caller: “HELLOOOOOOOOO. ”

Me: “Hello… ma’am?”

Caller: “CAAAAAN YOUUU HEEEAR MEEEE?”

Me: *holding phone away from my ear at this point* “Loud and clear, ma’am.”

Caller: “Oh, good. I just wanted to make sure my phone was working.” *click*

Me: *stares at phone*

Drive-Thru Is Not Your Calling

Pharmacy | Working | March 27, 2016


(At our store we have a voice over that is triggered when someone pulls up to the drive-thru. To stop it from repeating, you have to pick up the phone and press the drive-thru button. This button is next to the regular phone button.)

Me: *after hearing someone pull up at drive-thru* “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help— You know what? Never mind. I’m on my way.”

Didn’t See The Smoke Signals, Part 2

Pharmacy, Retail | Right | March 12, 2016


(I work in the front end of a pharmacy retailer that recently stopped selling cigarettes in an effort to promote customer health. It’s been almost two years, but exchanges like this still happen regularly.)

Customer: “Hi, I’ll have a carton of [Brand] cigarettes.”

(I look behind me to where the cigarettes used to be stored, where there is now a large sign with a crossed out cigarette and a slogan that reads: “Quitting starts here.”)

Customer: “…You don’t sell cigarettes, do you?”

Didn’t See The Smoke Signals, Part 2

Pharmacy, Retail | Right | March 12, 2016


(I work in the front end of a pharmacy retailer that recently stopped selling cigarettes in an effort to promote customer health. It’s been almost two years, but exchanges like this still happen regularly.)

Customer: “Hi, I’ll have a carton of [Brand] cigarettes.”

(I look behind me to where the cigarettes used to be stored, where there is now a large sign with a crossed out cigarette and a slogan that reads: “Quitting starts here.”)

Customer: “…You don’t sell cigarettes, do you?”

Needs Change And A Change Of Cashier

Pharmacy | Working | February 19, 2016


(My mom has gone to a well-known pharmacy for a prescription. Her co-pay is $74 dollars. She’s given the cashier four twenties.)

Cashier: “Ma’am, I need another twenty.”

Mom: “No. I gave enough.”

Cashier: “No, I need another twenty.”

(After minutes of bickering the cashier calls her manager over.)

Cashier: “This woman refuses to pay for her medication.”

Mom: “What? I gave her enough money.”

Cashier: “No, you owe me another twenty!”

(The cashier is flustered by this point and giving my mom an evil look.)

Manager: “Let me count this.”

(He counts the twenties to find that my mom is indeed correct.)

Manager: “Uh, actually this woman needs $6 back.”

(The cashier looks at him and smiles.)

Cashier: “Oh, my math is simply awful.”

(My mom never got an apology.)

Needs Poster-Board To Smash Your Head Through

Pharmacy | Right | February 19, 2016


(A customer is making a purchase, which has been going normally until the end.)

Me: “All right, that’ll be [amount].”

Customer: “What? That poster-board was supposed to be $4.99.”

(I go with her to check the price marked on the shelf.)

Me: “This is where it was supposed to go; someone put it in the wrong place.”

(I indicate the $8.99 shelf tag; assuming that she wants a $4.99 pack, I grab one and return to the front, to which she does not object. I void out the more expensive pack and ring up the other. After I finish ringing it up…)

Customer: “That’s not the poster-board I want.”

Me: “It’s the pack that’s $4.99.”

Customer: “Well, you don’t have to be so rude about it. Just void that and I’ll pick out the poster-board.”

Me: “All right, your other items will be six—”

(I’m cut off by the customer walking away to pick out her poster-board without finishing the sale for her other items, with three customers waiting in line behind her, and no other cashiers on duty. Fortunately, the other register hasn’t been closed out yet, so I can still ring them up somewhere. She finally returns with the poster-board she wants, but I need manager approval because of all the voided items.)

Me: *over the PA, right in front of her* “Manager approval at the front, please.”

Customer: “Why isn’t the sale going through?!”

Me: “I need approval because of all the voids.”

Customer: “You could have said something!”

(Finally, my manager can pass the sale through, with the customer complaining about my service the whole time; my manager promises to have a talk with me over it. Once the store is empty…)

Manager: “So… from how she was acting, I’m guessing she was already in a b***h-fit when she came in?”

Talking Out Of Their Asthma

Pharmacy | Working | February 6, 2016


(It is just after daylight savings and the clock in our work room has not been changed yet. My coworker decides to take matters into her own hands and stacks up boxes to be able to reach it. She then makes a face about how dusty it is.)

Coworker: “Oh my! I’m gonna have an asthma attack. I don’t have asthma but I’m gonna catch it from this!”

(This coming from someone who works in a pharmacy and knows how this stuff works!)

Not A Very Product-ive Answer

Pharmacy | Working | January 29, 2016


(Our store has recently been purchased by another independent chain and has undergone a massive remodel. All of our stock has been moved to different locations and some things we used to have are not available anymore. As the staff is learning the new layout, we inevitably have this conversation with customers three times a day…)

Customer: “I’m trying to find [Product].”

Staff: “Well if you need any help finding it, let us know and we’ll be just as lost as you are!”

Discharged And Distasteful

Pharmacy | Working | January 26, 2016


(I work in the call center of a pharmacy that takes care of long term facilities such as nursing homes. As such, we speak mostly with the nurses taking care of the patients.)

Me: “Hello, I am calling from [Pharmacy] and need to know if a patient was discharged from your facility. We see another patient has been admitted into their room.”

Nurse: “All right, who was the patient?”

Me: “[Name of patient].”

Nurse: “Oh, yes she was discharged to the hospital this morning. She isn’t doing too well.”

Me: *typing her answer without thinking* “Oh, wonderful, thank you so much!”

(The nurse was silent until I said goodbye and I didn’t even think about my response until I had hung up. I promise I am not that cold

An Anxiety-Inducing Fact

Pharmacy | Working | January 21, 2016


(An extremely rude customer has just left our pharmacy after we refused to fill his prescription. We legally couldn’t fill it without his doctor’s permission because another pharmacy had filled the same medication the day before. The tech who helped him is telling us what happened.)

Tech: “…and so then he said, ‘I make more money in a day than you do in a month!’”

Pharmacist: “Well, what you should have said is, ‘Yeah, but I have ninety Xanax back here and you don’t.’”

No Pain For This Refill

Pharmacy | Right | January 20, 2016


(I work as a pharmacy technician. A lady needs her medication refilled but has no refills left. I offer to call the doctor for her but she is mad that we won’t just fill her prescription then and there. Her medication is used for blood pressure.)

Customer: “Since you won’t give me my medication, can I just take this in the meantime?” *holds up aspirin*

Me: “Uhm… no. Aspirin is not the same as your [blood pressure medication].”

Customer: “Why? It’s the same size and color as my medication.”

Sick Of Your Parenting Assumptions

Pharmacy | Working | January 4, 2016


(I’m a 23-year-old woman who moved away from home over four years ago. I have no significant other or kids, so I’m only fending for myself. Because I rarely get sick, I have never gotten around to buying a thermometer. Finally I do catch a cold, so I decide to pick one up. I’m not feeling entirely clearheaded because of my cold.)

Pharmacy Assistant: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Me: “Hi! I’m looking for a thermometer. Where can I find them?”

Pharmacy Assistant: “They’re here.” *shows me a baby thermometer* “This one is really good if your kids are really young, because it has a soft tip and it gives results fast.” *shows me two more baby thermometers* “These are also good for kids.”

(A long silence follows, as I try to figure out in my woozy head why I should be using it on kids, not myself.)

Pharmacy Assistant: “Oh, and here’s our basic model. But those are all really good for kids!” *looks at me expectantly*

(Feeling like a bad mother to my non-existent children, I picked up the basic model and thanked her. Don’t adults take their own temperature any more?)

Not Thinking Inside The Box

Pharmacy | Working | November 26, 2015


(My wife has a bad eye infection and after a trip to the doctor, we take her prescription for antibiotic eye-drops to a pharmacy to be filled. They tell us we can pick it up in an hour. A little more than an hour later I go back to pick it up.)

Me: “Hi, I’m picking up a prescription for [Wife].”

Pharmacist: “We don’t seem to have that here. When did you drop it off?”

Me: “About an hour ago.”

Pharmacist: “Oh, here’s the record… This won’t be ready for three days. We don’t have it here.”

Me: “What? She has an infection and needs her medicine now, not three days from now. Why didn’t you tell us it would take so long when we dropped it off so we could go to another pharmacy?”

Pharmacist: “Well, we just got the shipment in today, but we haven’t opened the boxes yet to take out the medicine.”

Me: “It takes three days to open a box?”

Pharmacist: “Well, I guess if you want to wait 10 or 15 minutes, I can get it for you.”

Me: “…Yes. Do that, please.”

Pharmacist: *sighing* “Fine, I’ll go get it. I hate having to open the boxes.”