Two young pharmacists are talking professionally at their office.

Boy Pharmacist. : What do you want this time, with coat or without coat ?
Gal Pharmacist: with coating, because I don't want to release granules earlier.
Boy Pharmacist: So, Shall I start molding?
Gal Pharmacist: No, No... first close the door and window and switch off, because this work is light sensitive.

What do you call a pharmacist working at a veterinary drug company... a FARM-ASSIST

Guy runs into a pharmacy. He dashes to the counter and exclaims, "Please, help! I've got a splinter in my finger and I don't know what to do!" The pharmacist grabs a bottle of Ichthammol Ointment and says to the man, "Here my good sir...Try this black salve." To which the man replies, "This is no time for heavy metal music!"

What do scots take for fungal groin infections?
'Sporranox!'

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?"
"You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.
"That's it, I can never remember that word."

Didn’t See The Smoke Signals, Part 2

Pharmacy, Retail | PA, USA | Right | March 12, 2016


(I work in the front end of a pharmacy retailer that recently stopped selling cigarettes in an effort to promote customer health. It’s been almost two years, but exchanges like this still happen regularly.)

Customer: “Hi, I’ll have a carton of [Brand] cigarettes.”

(I look behind me to where the cigarettes used to be stored, where there is now a large sign with a crossed out cigarette and a slogan that reads: “Quitting starts here.”)

Customer: “…You don’t sell cigarettes, do you?”

Needs Change And A Change Of Cashier

Pharmacy | MN, USA | Working | February 19, 2016


(My mom has gone to a well-known pharmacy for a prescription. Her co-pay is $74 dollars. She’s given the cashier four twenties.)

Cashier: “Ma’am, I need another twenty.”

Mom: “No. I gave enough.”

Cashier: “No, I need another twenty.”

(After minutes of bickering the cashier calls her manager over.)

Cashier: “This woman refuses to pay for her medication.”

Mom: “What? I gave her enough money.”

Cashier: “No, you owe me another twenty!”

(The cashier is flustered by this point and giving my mom an evil look.)

Manager: “Let me count this.”

(He counts the twenties to find that my mom is indeed correct.)

Manager: “Uh, actually this woman needs $6 back.”

(The cashier looks at him and smiles.)

Cashier: “Oh, my math is simply awful.”

(My mom never got an apology.)

Needs Poster-Board To Smash Your Head Through

Pharmacy | PA, USA | Right | February 19, 2016


(A customer is making a purchase, which has been going normally until the end.)

Me: “All right, that’ll be [amount].”

Customer: “What? That poster-board was supposed to be $4.99.”

(I go with her to check the price marked on the shelf.)

Me: “This is where it was supposed to go; someone put it in the wrong place.”

(I indicate the $8.99 shelf tag; assuming that she wants a $4.99 pack, I grab one and return to the front, to which she does not object. I void out the more expensive pack and ring up the other. After I finish ringing it up…)

Customer: “That’s not the poster-board I want.”

Me: “It’s the pack that’s $4.99.”

Customer: “Well, you don’t have to be so rude about it. Just void that and I’ll pick out the poster-board.”

Me: “All right, your other items will be six—”

(I’m cut off by the customer walking away to pick out her poster-board without finishing the sale for her other items, with three customers waiting in line behind her, and no other cashiers on duty. Fortunately, the other register hasn’t been closed out yet, so I can still ring them up somewhere. She finally returns with the poster-board she wants, but I need manager approval because of all the voided items.)

Me: *over the PA, right in front of her* “Manager approval at the front, please.”

Customer: “Why isn’t the sale going through?!”

Me: “I need approval because of all the voids.”

Customer: “You could have said something!”

(Finally, my manager can pass the sale through, with the customer complaining about my service the whole time; my manager promises to have a talk with me over it. Once the store is empty…)

Manager: “So… from how she was acting, I’m guessing she was already in a b***h-fit when she came in?”

Talking Out Of Their Asthma

Pharmacy | USA | Working | February 6, 2016


(It is just after daylight savings and the clock in our work room has not been changed yet. My coworker decides to take matters into her own hands and stacks up boxes to be able to reach it. She then makes a face about how dusty it is.)

Coworker: “Oh my! I’m gonna have an asthma attack. I don’t have asthma but I’m gonna catch it from this!”

(This coming from someone who works in a pharmacy and knows how this stuff works!)

Not A Very Product-ive Answer

Pharmacy | MD, USA | Working | January 29, 2016


(Our store has recently been purchased by another independent chain and has undergone a massive remodel. All of our stock has been moved to different locations and some things we used to have are not available anymore. As the staff is learning the new layout, we inevitably have this conversation with customers three times a day…)

Customer: “I’m trying to find [Product].”

Staff: “Well if you need any help finding it, let us know and we’ll be just as lost as you are!”

Discharged And Distasteful

Pharmacy | USA | Working | January 26, 2016


(I work in the call center of a pharmacy that takes care of long term facilities such as nursing homes. As such, we speak mostly with the nurses taking care of the patients.)

Me: “Hello, I am calling from [Pharmacy] and need to know if a patient was discharged from your facility. We see another patient has been admitted into their room.”

Nurse: “All right, who was the patient?”

Me: “[Name of patient].”

Nurse: “Oh, yes she was discharged to the hospital this morning. She isn’t doing too well.”

Me: *typing her answer without thinking* “Oh, wonderful, thank you so much!”

(The nurse was silent until I said goodbye and I didn’t even think about my response until I had hung up. I promise I am not that cold!)

An Anxiety-Inducing Fact

Pharmacy | UT, USA | Working | January 21, 2016


(An extremely rude customer has just left our pharmacy after we refused to fill his prescription. We legally couldn’t fill it without his doctor’s permission because another pharmacy had filled the same medication the day before. The tech who helped him is telling us what happened.)

Tech: “…and so then he said, ‘I make more money in a day than you do in a month!’”

Pharmacist: “Well, what you should have said is, ‘Yeah, but I have ninety Xanax back here and you don’t.’”

No Pain For This Refill

Pharmacy | Allentown, PA, USA | Right | January 20, 2016


(I work as a pharmacy technician. A lady needs her medication refilled but has no refills left. I offer to call the doctor for her but she is mad that we won’t just fill her prescription then and there. Her medication is used for blood pressure.)

Customer: “Since you won’t give me my medication, can I just take this in the meantime?” *holds up aspirin*

Me: “Uhm… no. Aspirin is not the same as your [blood pressure medication].”

Customer: “Why? It’s the same size and color as my medication.”

Sick Of Your Parenting Assumptions

Pharmacy | Finland | Working | January 4, 2016


(I’m a 23-year-old woman who moved away from home over four years ago. I have no significant other or kids, so I’m only fending for myself. Because I rarely get sick, I have never gotten around to buying a thermometer. Finally I do catch a cold, so I decide to pick one up. I’m not feeling entirely clearheaded because of my cold.)

Pharmacy Assistant: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Me: “Hi! I’m looking for a thermometer. Where can I find them?”

Pharmacy Assistant: “They’re here.” *shows me a baby thermometer* “This one is really good if your kids are really young, because it has a soft tip and it gives results fast.” *shows me two more baby thermometers* “These are also good for kids.”

(A long silence follows, as I try to figure out in my woozy head why I should be using it on kids, not myself.)

Pharmacy Assistant: “Oh, and here’s our basic model. But those are all really good for kids!” *looks at me expectantly*

(Feeling like a bad mother to my non-existent children, I picked up the basic model and thanked her. Don’t adults take their own temperature any more?)

Not Thinking Inside The Box

Pharmacy | Washington, DC, USA | Working | November 26, 2015


(My wife has a bad eye infection and after a trip to the doctor, we take her prescription for antibiotic eye-drops to a pharmacy to be filled. They tell us we can pick it up in an hour. A little more than an hour later I go back to pick it up.)

Me: “Hi, I’m picking up a prescription for [Wife].”

Pharmacist: “We don’t seem to have that here. When did you drop it off?”

Me: “About an hour ago.”

Pharmacist: “Oh, here’s the record… This won’t be ready for three days. We don’t have it here.”

Me: “What? She has an infection and needs her medicine now, not three days from now. Why didn’t you tell us it would take so long when we dropped it off so we could go to another pharmacy?”

Pharmacist: “Well, we just got the shipment in today, but we haven’t opened the boxes yet to take out the medicine.”

Me: “It takes three days to open a box?”

Pharmacist: “Well, I guess if you want to wait 10 or 15 minutes, I can get it for you.”

Me: “…Yes. Do that, please.”

Pharmacist: *sighing* “Fine, I’ll go get it. I hate having to open the boxes.”

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor..."

An artist had been working on a nude portrait for a long time. Every day, he was up early and worked late - bringing perfection with every stroke of his paint brush. As each day passed, he gained a better understanding of the female body and was able to really make his paintings shine.
After a month, the artist had become very weary from this non-stop effort and decided to take it easy for the day. Since his model had already shown up, he suggested they merely have a glass of wine and talk - since normally he preferred to do his painting in silence.

They talked for a few hours, getting to know each other better. Then as they were sipping their claret, the artist heard a car arriving outside. He jumped up and said, "Oh no! It's my wife! Quick, take off your clothes!"

A bumper sticker for artists: "My other car is a bike, too."

After his wife divorced him, Joe asked his best friend, Bill, to fix him up with a blind date. Bill obliged. The next day Joe called up Bill and shouted at him angrily: "Bill, what kind of a guy do you think I am. That girl you fixed me up with was cross-eyed; she was almost bald; her nose was long, thin and crooked; she had hair growing on her face; she was flat chested; and her ankles were as thick as her thighs".
Bill answered: "Either you like Picasso, or you don't like Picasso

There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.
After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office.

Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor's office.

During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?"

To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself 'Thank God I'm not a proctologist.'"