It’s Barely Cute When A Child Does It…

Bizarre, Convenience Store, Extra Stupid, Harassment, USA, Wyoming | Romantic | December 19, 2017


(I’m standing in line when I notice the bottle of tea I’m holding has leaked all over my shoes and the floor. I let out a little cry of shock and head back to the cooler to replace it. When I get back up front, the guy who was standing behind me in line is checking out.)

Guy: *turns around* “Haha, I beat you!”

(I just stare at him incredulously.)

Guy: “So, how you doin’?”

(My eyebrows couldn’t possibly go higher.)

Guy: “Just not going to say anything, huh?”

Me: “‘Haha, I beat you.’? Are you five years old?”

Guy: *goes a little red* “No! Just, I know you were up here… but then I… I got to the counter first.”

Me: “Yup. Congratulations.”

Guy: “And, uh… You’re pretty. So, I’m hoping I could get your number.”

Me: “Wow, seriously? No. If you want a woman’s number, try acting like a man instead of a child.”

(He left in a hurry.)

Making A Blanket Statement About The Rest Of Your Lives

Bedroom, Bizarre, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, home, Oklahoma, Oklahoma City, Silly, USA | Romantic | December 18, 2017


(My boyfriend is a born and raised Hawaiian. Being part of the military, his posts have put him in deserts. As you can imagine, therefore, it doesn’t take much to get him cold. He hasn’t been in Oklahoma for very long, either, so winter nights are always fun. I, on the other hand, get hot way too easily. To keep the bill low, he has elected to keep the AC and heater off and rely on blankets and fans. One night, I wake up shivering, which rarely happens. That’s when I notice all the blankets are bundled at his feet. I’m still groggy, so I pull at the blankets to no avail.)

Me: “Babe. Babe, share.”

Boyfriend: *mumbles something*

Me: “I can’t understand you, and I’m cold. Share the blankets.”

Boyfriend: “They’re for my toes.”

Me: *rolls eyes* “So, we’ll tuck them in again.”

Boyfriend: *turns and looks me in the eye, then speaks in a very stern voice* “This is just the way it has to be now.”

(He then turned back around and went back to snoring. I finally managed to wrangle the blankets from him, doing my best to not laugh too loudly. He doesn’t remember ever saying that, and I don’t intend to let him live it down any time soon.)

Farming Out The Same Old Story

Car, home, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA, Washington | Romantic | December 17, 2017


(My wife has had her car for nine years and is very sentimentally attached to it, but it has to go, as its transmission has just failed, and it is far too small to haul around the coming baby. I manage to find a buyer for just a couple hundred bucks who’ll use it until it’s kaput and then junk it. I sign the papers, take the money, and shake hands with the guy, and then call my wife at work as he drives off.)

Me: “Hi, honey. It’s sold and gone.”

Wife: “Where are they taking it?”

Me: “I assume to his home?”

Wife: “Is he taking it to a farm?”

Me: *catching on* “Yes. To a nice farm where there will be lots of space for it to drive around with other cars and play all day.”

Wife: “And it can chase scooters and cyclists?”

Me: “You bet. It might even catch a few.”

Wife: “Okay, I feel better, then. See you tonight.”

Their Relationship Literally Survived Some Bumps In The Road

Car, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners, USA, Virginia | Romantic | December 16, 2017


(My husband has called me back from work because he is excruciating pain. By the time I get home, I can’t find him. I finally track him down in the bathroom, hugging the toilet while expunging his insides. I’m really, really scared at this point because he does not act like this, ever! I finally get him into the car and drive to the emergency room. His pain is increasing and he’s still vomiting. I get to the hospital and am watching for signs that point to the emergency room. Remember, I have never driven anyone to the hospital before, and I am freaking out!)

Husband: “Watch out for the speed bump.”

Me: “I see it; it’s fine.”

(It was not fine. I hit all five speed bumps too fast, and unevenly, making us rock back and forth, causing my husband to cry out in pain, but I got him into the emergency room. It turned out he had a kidney stone. While laying in bed, he turned to me and told me I was never to drive him to the emergency room again.)

Ignorance To Make You Say “Oh, Baby”

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, home, Kentucky, USA | Romantic | December 15, 2017


(My boyfriend and I are laying in bed one day after spending the day together and I am having fairly bad cramps, as my period has just started. I reach over and put his hand on my stomach where I’m cramping to somewhat comfort me.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, that’s where a baby would be!”

Me: “Yeah, well, that’s where it hurts…”

Boyfriend: *with look of confusion on his face* “Oh! Hmm… I guess that makes sense.”

Daddy Isn’t Welcome Here

Awesome Workers, Comeuppance, Food Stand, Harassment, USA, Utah | Romantic | December 14, 2017


(I’m taking orders at the front end of the food stand, while the owner works the grill next to me, and my coworker — a burly middle-aged man — does prep at the back of the tent. I’m a female in my mid-20s, I have a lot of health issues, and my coworkers are a little protective of me.)

Customer: “I’d like one chocolate and one vanilla custard.”

Me: “Great, that’ll be $5. There’s about a three-minute wait. Can I get a name for the order?”

Customer: *winks lecherously* “Call me ‘Daddy.’ It’s pretty loud out here; you might have to scream it.”

Me: “Next customer, please!”

(I keep serving, but I’m thoroughly creeped out. After a few minutes, the guy’s order comes up, and the owner notices me turning pale when he hands the food to me. After a quick explanation, he tells me to go take a break at the back. He then calls up my coworker and they talk briefly.)

Coworker: *bellowing* “Hey, Daddy!”

(The customer walks up, looking nervous.)

Coworker: “Here’s your $5. We are refusing you service.”

Customer: “What? No! I want my food! Make her serve me my food!”

Coworker: “Sir, my daughter is not going to serve you food. My son, on the grill, is not going to make you food. Take your money and get out, a**hole.”

Customer: “F***!” *storms off*

(He left his $5 behind. I got his food AND the money.)

Daddy Isn’t Welcome Here

Awesome Workers, Comeuppance, Food Stand, Harassment, USA, Utah | Romantic | December 14, 2017


(I’m taking orders at the front end of the food stand, while the owner works the grill next to me, and my coworker — a burly middle-aged man — does prep at the back of the tent. I’m a female in my mid-20s, I have a lot of health issues, and my coworkers are a little protective of me.)

Customer: “I’d like one chocolate and one vanilla custard.”

Me: “Great, that’ll be $5. There’s about a three-minute wait. Can I get a name for the order?”

Customer: *winks lecherously* “Call me ‘Daddy.’ It’s pretty loud out here; you might have to scream it.”

Me: “Next customer, please!”

(I keep serving, but I’m thoroughly creeped out. After a few minutes, the guy’s order comes up, and the owner notices me turning pale when he hands the food to me. After a quick explanation, he tells me to go take a break at the back. He then calls up my coworker and they talk briefly.)

Coworker: *bellowing* “Hey, Daddy!”

(The customer walks up, looking nervous.)

Coworker: “Here’s your $5. We are refusing you service.”

Customer: “What? No! I want my food! Make her serve me my food!”

Coworker: “Sir, my daughter is not going to serve you food. My son, on the grill, is not going to make you food. Take your money and get out, a**hole.”

Customer: “F***!” *storms off*

(He left his $5 behind. I got his food AND the money.)

Photo-Perfect Finish

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, home, Oklahoma, Photography, Silly, USA | Romantic | December 13, 2017


(My boyfriend has recently won a fairly prestigious contest for a short story he wrote. As a result, the organization running the contest needs a picture of him for publicity purposes. In spite of being a very lovely person, my boyfriend has what can only be described as “resting b**** face” and doesn’t smile much, to the point that he often has to reassure people who have just met him that he doesn’t dislike them, but that’s just the set of his face. He also absolutely hates pictures of himself.)

Me: “Umm… Okay, just stand by the those trees, I guess.”

Boyfriend: “Okay.”

Me: *snapping a few photos that honestly aren’t terribly good* “Erm… Here, let me try this.”

(I hold my camera way above my head, as my boyfriend is more than a foot taller than I am. This is an improvement, but the photos are still “meh” at best.)

Me: “You know, you could try to smile.”

Boyfriend: “No.” *tries to look even more serious*

Me: “Yeah, yeah, because you’ve got to look like a harda**, even when you’re accepting an award!”

(He starts to laugh, and I manage to snap a photo of it.)

Me: “HA! I did it! I got a picture of you smiling!”

Boyfriend: “D*** it.”

(That was the picture he sent off, and one of the better ones I’ve managed to take of him!)

We Do Not Cover Crazy Girlfriends

Bizarre, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Office, Ohio, Phone, USA, Wild & Unruly | Romantic | December 12, 2017


(I answer the phone in our office as part of my daily duties. Every once in a while, we get a call in this vein:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Office], a part of [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need to know who you think you are, b****!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO GET WITH MY MAN?!”

Me: “I’m sorry. You might have a wrong number. This is an [Office] agency. We sell and administer insurance products from [Company].”

Caller: “Oh, don’t give me that s***. You’re trying to mess with my man. This number comes up on his call list every day for a week. Sometimes more than once! Who are you, and what are you doing with my man?”

Me: “Well, does he have one of our products? Perhaps we’re working with him regarding his coverage.”

Caller: “No! I know you’re just trying to steal my man! And if you call him again, I will find you!”

Me: “We are located on [Street]. Look for the [Company] sign that says [Office]. We sell coverage for homes and vehicles, as well as life and financial products.”

Caller: *hangs up*

Allergic To Dairy And Dip-S***s

Bad Behavior, Dating, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Jerk, London, Restaurant, UK | Romantic | December 11, 2017


(I am allergic to dairy; I will go into shock if I have even a small amount. A surprisingly large amount of stuff has dairy in it and I hate making people wait while I check whether something will kill me, so I often go for the easiest thing on the menu. I meet this guy online and we go to a coffee shop to meet, safely, in person. I ask for soy in my drink and he asks if it is for flavour reason; I state it being a dietary requirement, but we don’t talk much about it further than that. We decide to continue with the relationship, and a week or so later we go on our first date. He chooses an Italian place for dinner, which is a very risky place for me go to. I find it a little odd, considering the coffee shop, but I just go for a vegan dish to be safe. A few weeks later, he invites me out to a steak place. I have never been to this place and I can’t find a website to check their menu prior to going. It’s a little bit worrying, but I know most dairy in a steakhouse is in the optional sauces. When I arrive, my date keeps glancing at me, which I don’t really understand. We are seated and given menus, and he is now staring at me intently.)

Me: “What?”

Date: *somewhat smugly* “You won’t find anything vegan on the menu.”

Me: “What’s your point?”

Date: *smug look falters* “Huh?”

Me: “I said, ‘What’s your point?’ I’m not vegan.”

Date: “But… The soy? And at the Italian place?”

Me: “I’m allergic to dairy. Severely allergic, actually, so vegan is a safe choice for me. You took me to a steakhouse thinking I was a vegan?” *pause* “And you thought I would accept it if I was a vegan?”

Date: “W-Well, I thought it would be funny to watch you struggle.”

Me: “You wanted to watch the little vegan get upset over not being able to eat off the menu. Wow.”

Date: “But this is great that you’re just allergic! That means you’re fine to be with!”

Me: “What?”

Date: “Yeah, cause vegans are crazy! You don’t f*** crazy!”

(I stare at him.)

Me: “You’re totally right; you don’t f*** crazy. I don’t f*** crazy, or stupid, or a**holes. See ya.”

(I get that some vegans are in your face about it, but that guy was just a jerk.)



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Allergic To Dairy And Dip-S***s

Bad Behavior, Dating, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Jerk, London, Restaurant, UK | Romantic | December 11, 2017


(I am allergic to dairy; I will go into shock if I have even a small amount. A surprisingly large amount of stuff has dairy in it and I hate making people wait while I check whether something will kill me, so I often go for the easiest thing on the menu. I meet this guy online and we go to a coffee shop to meet, safely, in person. I ask for soy in my drink and he asks if it is for flavour reason; I state it being a dietary requirement, but we don’t talk much about it further than that. We decide to continue with the relationship, and a week or so later we go on our first date. He chooses an Italian place for dinner, which is a very risky place for me go to. I find it a little odd, considering the coffee shop, but I just go for a vegan dish to be safe. A few weeks later, he invites me out to a steak place. I have never been to this place and I can’t find a website to check their menu prior to going. It’s a little bit worrying, but I know most dairy in a steakhouse is in the optional sauces. When I arrive, my date keeps glancing at me, which I don’t really understand. We are seated and given menus, and he is now staring at me intently.)

Me: “What?”

Date: *somewhat smugly* “You won’t find anything vegan on the menu.”

Me: “What’s your point?”

Date: *smug look falters* “Huh?”

Me: “I said, ‘What’s your point?’ I’m not vegan.”

Date: “But… The soy? And at the Italian place?”

Me: “I’m allergic to dairy. Severely allergic, actually, so vegan is a safe choice for me. You took me to a steakhouse thinking I was a vegan?” *pause* “And you thought I would accept it if I was a vegan?”

Date: “W-Well, I thought it would be funny to watch you struggle.”

Me: “You wanted to watch the little vegan get upset over not being able to eat off the menu. Wow.”

Date: “But this is great that you’re just allergic! That means you’re fine to be with!”

Me: “What?”

Date: “Yeah, cause vegans are crazy! You don’t f*** crazy!”

(I stare at him.)

Me: “You’re totally right; you don’t f*** crazy. I don’t f*** crazy, or stupid, or a**holes. See ya.”

(I get that some vegans are in your face about it, but that guy was just a jerk.)

That’s The Problem With Going In As Number Two

Florida, home, Revolting, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | December 10, 2017


(We only have one bathroom.)

Partner: “I’m about to take a shower. You want to use the bathroom first?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I accidentally end up spending 15 minutes in there. As I exit, I turn on the fan.)

Me: “So… About your shower.”

Partner: “Yeah. I think I’ll wait on that.”

Bouncing Through Alternative Names

Florida, home, Language & Words, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | December 9, 2017


(My partner dislikes bras. We’re going off-roading.)

Partner: *sighs dramatically* “I have to wear the anti-boob-bouncing device.”

(I laughed.)

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Geeks Rule, home, Silly, USA | Romantic | December 8, 2017


(My boyfriend and I are curled up on the couch drinking and watching a movie. He burps a lot when he’s drunk.)

Me: “I love you!”

(All of a sudden, my boyfriend starts burping a ton.)

Me: “What was that?”

Boyfriend: “I just said, ‘I love you,’ in Morse code.”

Best Not Get That Gift-Wrapped

Family & Kids, home, Spouses & Partners, Tennessee, USA | Romantic | December 7, 2017


(I’m currently seven months pregnant. My due date is estimated to be the same month as my birthday. I’m on Facebook and see some fun things my friend did for her birthday.)

Me: *to my husband* “Do you want anything special for your birthday? I know it’s a ways off, but with the baby coming I figure we need to plan things way in advance now.”

Husband: “Cake. Homemade; we can’t afford anything else.”

Me: “Okay.” *after a pause* “What do I want for my birthday? Well, I was thinking of having a party! A book-swap or something. I can’t drink. Anything. But I could serve caffeine-free teas, and everyone could bring their favorite books, and we could all switch them up and…” *I go on rambling like this for a few minutes* “What do you think? Should I do that? Or something else?”

Husband: “You get a baby. That’s what you get for your birthday.”

(It turns out, I was too tired with the new baby to want to plan anything, so I just had a few friends over to play board games, and I fell asleep in the middle of them, anyway.)

Manage For Years To Come

Family & Kids, Geneva, home, Ignoring & Inattentive, Spouses & Partners, Switzerland | Romantic | December 6, 2017


My husband works in a different town and only comes home on the weekends. He’s been doing that for over ten years now, and I am completely in charge of our seven-year-old son when he’s not around.

Last month he decided he needed a bit of time off, so he took a month of vacation; he’d accrued three months’ worth of days off to use. At the end of the month at home, he said to me, “You know, I’m glad I had this time off. Now I know you can manage our son all by yourself.”

Really? It only took him seven years to figure that out?

For The Love Of Pod!

Australia, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, home, Melbourne, Silly | Romantic | December 5, 2017


Me: “You folded and put away my laundry? Who are you and what have you done with my real girlfriend!?”

Girlfriend: *starts to cough because she has the flu on top of hay-fever*

Me: “No wonder you’re sick! You’re not my real girlfriend at all! YOU’RE A DECOMPOSING POD PERSON!”

Girlfriend: “So… Want to have sex with a decomposing pod person?”

Plan Ruined By A Single Response

Bank, Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal, Harassment, Ohio, USA | Romantic | December 4, 2017


(I am a teller at a bank. An elderly man comes up to my window.)

Elderly Man: “Hello, there.”

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Elderly Man: “Are you married?”

(Older customers tend to be chatty, so I’m used to this line of questions.)

Me: “No, I’m not.”

Elderly Man: “Are you single?”

Me: *getting slightly weirded out by the way he’s looking at me* “Yes.”

Elderly Man: “Do you have a boyfriend?”

(At this point, I’m just ready for him to go, and I’ve finished his transaction.)

Me: “Yes, I do.”

Elderly Man: “Oh, too bad. I was going to kidnap you.” *calmly walks away*

(Apparently having a boyfriend means I can’t be kidnapped!)

This Is Not A Normal Relationship

Bigotry, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Canada, College & University, Love/Romance, Ontario, Toronto | Romantic | December 3, 2017


(My classmate has a new boyfriend whom she already adores. For the purposes of this story, I feel that it’s important to mention that she is a white girl, and this is her first interracial relationship.)

Classmate: “He is such an amazing guy! I can actually see a future with him! I swear, I am going to marry this guy and be the mother of his children!”

Me: “Wow, that’s really neat, and I’m happy for you!”

Classmate: “Yep! You’re looking at the future Mrs. [Ethnic Last Name], here! Oh, but our kids are going to have normal names.”

Me: *mildly shocked* “Wait, what do you mean by ‘normal’ names?”

Classmate: “You know, just normal, traditional names, like John, Sarah, David, Amanda, etc. We’re not giving them [Ethnicity] names.”

(I just couldn’t continue this conversation with her. But I have developed a tremendous amount of respect for her boyfriend, who is still with her to this day, and has shown an equally tremendous amount of patience for her.)

Diving Into The Deep End Of Double Standards

Bigotry, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Canada, Coworkers, Fights/Breakups, Jerk, Pool | Romantic | December 2, 2017


(I’ve recently graduated and have returned to my old pool job to pay off some student debt. A lot of my coworkers are younger, and they sometimes like to gossip about office romance. I stay out of it, but this one time I have to step in. Note, both [Coworker #1 ] and I are female, while [Coworker #2 ] is male. At the time this takes place, no one is in the pool, so we are doing some cleaning jobs.)

Coworker #1 : “I can’t believe [Coworker #3 ] already has a new girlfriend. He and [Coworker #4 ] only broke up last week. It seems to soon.”

Coworker #2 : “Did you know that he was seeing [Coworker #5 ] on the side up until he met this new girl?”

Coworker #1 : “What?”

Coworker #2 : “Yeah, he does that a lot. It wouldn’t surprise me if he has someone new in week or two.”

Coworker #1 : “How does he get all these girls? He treats them like crap.”

Coworker #2 : “Hey, it’s not his fault. The girls make it too easy for him.”

(At this, both [Coworker #1 ] and I stop and look at him.)

Coworker #1 : “What did you say?”

Coworker #2 : “Well, it’s beyond his control. The girls are making it too easy for him to get dates and he can’t help himself. It’s not his fault really.”

Coworker #1 : “Do you even realize what you’re saying?”

Coworker #2 : “What? I’m just stating the facts—”

Me: *interrupting* “I’m sorry; are you really saying it’s the girls’ fault that he’s an a**hole?”

Coworker #2 : “What?”

Me: “You’re saying that it’s the girls’ fault that [Coworker #3 ] treats them like crap.”

Coworker #2 : “Oh, no, I was just saying that they are making it too easy for him.”

Me: “So, he’s exempt from blame and allowed to treat girls like trash because they give him a chance?”

Coworker #2 : “Oh, no, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Me: “What did you mean, then? Especially when you said, ‘He can’t control himself; he can’t be at fault, really.’? Or even when you said, ‘The girls make it too easy for him.’?”

Coworker #2 : “I just meant… I… uh…”

Coworker #1 : “Dude, she’s got you there.”

([Coworker #2 ] got a good lesson on double standards that day.)

“Every Day” With You Is Another Day Wasted

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Camp, Canada, Exes/Old Flames, Fights/Breakups, Friends, Jerk, Outdoors | Romantic | December 1, 2017


(I get invited to go camping with a good female friend of mine, her boyfriend, and a few other friends. I agree, thinking it’ll be fun, but things eventually change. My female friend breaks up with her boyfriend, who she planned the trip with, and starts dating another guy in our friend group. Soon, others drop out of the camping trip so it’s just my female friend, her current boyfriend, her ex-boyfriend, and me. I can see that this could potentially be awkward, but the campsite is already reserved and my female friend begs me to go. Once she assures me that everything between her and her ex-boyfriend is fine, I decide to still go. Early on in the trip, it becomes evident that everything is not okay with her ex-boyfriend. To make matters worse, the female friend and her current boyfriend decide that the best way to soften the blow for him is to try and set him up with me, since I am single. Finally, after two nights of this awkwardness, I decide to talk to the ex-boyfriend. Since we are friends, I want to let him know that I didn’t want this setting up. I also want to see if he is all right.)

Me: “Hey, [Ex-Boyfriend], I feel really bad that [Female Friend] keeps on trying to push you onto me. Just to let you know, I did not ask her to do that. This is completely random and I just want to make sure you are okay.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Oh, it’s hard. It’s just so soon after we broke up. How can she move on so soon?”

Me: “I’m sorry, bud. It is messed up that’s for sure. Look: I’ve told them to stop. I think they know they crossed a line and won’t do it anymore.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Thanks, [My Name]. I mean, you’re great and all, but I couldn’t spend every day with you.”

Me: “What?”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Well, to be in a relationship, you have to spend every day with someone. There’s no way I could do that with you.”

(He then went on to explain that I was probably single because others felt this way. He said this as if it was completely normal, while I started to cry and count the days until the trip was over. Fast forward the years, and I am no longer friends with any of these people. The “friend” who said those words to me never understood why I never spoke to him again. I get that he wasn’t having the best time on the trip, but he didn’t need to kick me while he was down.)



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“Every Day” With You Is Another Day Wasted

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Camp, Canada, Exes/Old Flames, Fights/Breakups, Friends, Jerk, Outdoors | Romantic | December 1, 2017


(I get invited to go camping with a good female friend of mine, her boyfriend, and a few other friends. I agree, thinking it’ll be fun, but things eventually change. My female friend breaks up with her boyfriend, who she planned the trip with, and starts dating another guy in our friend group. Soon, others drop out of the camping trip so it’s just my female friend, her current boyfriend, her ex-boyfriend, and me. I can see that this could potentially be awkward, but the campsite is already reserved and my female friend begs me to go. Once she assures me that everything between her and her ex-boyfriend is fine, I decide to still go. Early on in the trip, it becomes evident that everything is not okay with her ex-boyfriend. To make matters worse, the female friend and her current boyfriend decide that the best way to soften the blow for him is to try and set him up with me, since I am single. Finally, after two nights of this awkwardness, I decide to talk to the ex-boyfriend. Since we are friends, I want to let him know that I didn’t want this setting up. I also want to see if he is all right.)

Me: “Hey, [Ex-Boyfriend], I feel really bad that [Female Friend] keeps on trying to push you onto me. Just to let you know, I did not ask her to do that. This is completely random and I just want to make sure you are okay.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Oh, it’s hard. It’s just so soon after we broke up. How can she move on so soon?”

Me: “I’m sorry, bud. It is messed up that’s for sure. Look: I’ve told them to stop. I think they know they crossed a line and won’t do it anymore.”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Thanks, [My Name]. I mean, you’re great and all, but I couldn’t spend every day with you.”

Me: “What?”

Ex-Boyfriend: “Well, to be in a relationship, you have to spend every day with someone. There’s no way I could do that with you.”

(He then went on to explain that I was probably single because others felt this way. He said this as if it was completely normal, while I started to cry and count the days until the trip was over. Fast forward the years, and I am no longer friends with any of these people. The “friend” who said those words to me never understood why I never spoke to him again. I get that he wasn’t having the best time on the trip, but he didn’t need to kick me while he was down.)



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Laughable Legality

Florida, home, Movies & TV, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | November 30, 2017


(My partner is watching TV and starts laughing. They keep laughing for a good few minutes.)

Me: “Something funny?”

(They keep laughing, and then they fall off the couch. I wait for another minute. I’m vaguely worried they’re hysterical at this point.)

Me: “You okay?”

Partner: *finally catching their breath, quoting a commercial* “’Our legal team believes that, with the safety equipment available to car manufacturers, no one should ever get injured or killed in a car accident.’” *laughs* “’So, call us and we’ll sue ’em!’” *laughs*

Me: “Okay, then… I guess they’ve never heard of cliffs!”

Getting Checked Out At Check Out

At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Harassment, Jerk, North Carolina, Retail, USA, Winston-Salem | Romantic | November 29, 2017


(A random guy walks up to my register and winks before I’ve even said anything.)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir. Is this all today?”

Customer: “Are you for sale?” *winks*

Me: “No.” *starts ringing up items*

Customer: “Too bad. I’d buy you in a heartbeat.”

Me: “Your total is $23.37.”

Customer: “Can you make change? I know money is a hard thing for girls.” *laughs*

Me: *bites tongue, hands him his change* “Thank you. Have a good day.”

Customer: “So, when can I take you on a date?”

Me: “Not interested.”

Customer: *winks* “Come on. It’ll be fun.”

Me: “Not interested, and engaged.” *calling to person behind him* “Can I help the next guest?”

Customer: “No! You aren’t, you lying b****! You’re not wearing any ring!”

Me: *pulls out ring on necklace* “Yes, I am. They don’t let us wear rings because they rip the gloves. Next guest, please!”

Customer: “Oh. Well, look me up if you two break up, sugar.” *winks and walks off*

Next Customer: *as she comes up to my register* “What an a**hole.”

It Wouldn’t Cost You Your Soul To Be More Romantic

Boyfriend/Girlfriend, England, Extra Stupid, Love/Romance, Outdoors, Sheffield, UK | Romantic | November 28, 2017


(My girlfriend and I are on a romantic walk, and we stop to sit near a pleasant stream and make deep and meaningful conversation. She is saying how she feels about me and she wants to know how I feel in return.)

Girlfriend: “I believe in soulmates. I don’t think there is anyone else who could make me feel like you do. We get on so well together, and I really can’t imagine being with anyone else. I’m so glad we met. Do you think we are soulmates? What would have happened if we’d never met?”

(I am the most unromantic, but honest, idiot.)

Me: “Well, I think I probably would have got with someone else if I hadn’t met you. There’s so many girls in the world; I’m sure I would have found someone else to get on really well with. I don’t think there is such a thing as a soulmate. I just believe we meet people, and if we fancy them, we get on, and eventually we adapt our personalities to get on with each other and on it goes.”

(Eighteen years of marriage later, I suspect she may have been more right about this than I was!)

Your Fiancé Is An Armful

Engaged, home, Silly, UK | Romantic | November 27, 2017


(I’m trying to prepare a simple meal that involves putting frozen food on baking trays, which I line with aluminium foil. My fiancé comes into the kitchen to “help.” He comes up behind me and threads his arms through mine which results in my elbows being forced against my side, making it very hard to use my arms for anything. I am now straining to put a piece of foil over the baking tray as my arms are held back.)

Fiancé: *while laughing at my attempts* “To understand the T-Rex, you must become the T-Rex.”

Me: *laughing while eventually succeeding in my task despite the handicap*

Mining This For All It’s Worth

Bizarre, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Games, home, Ignoring & Inattentive, Spain | Romantic | November 26, 2017


(I’m teaching my girlfriend to play an old video game where you destroy blocks that slowly move towards you by putting “mines” on the ground and detonating them later. The game is fairly simple in that you can only move around a very limited space, place the mine with a button, and detonate it with the same button. The rules are also easy: you must destroy all blocks but the black ones. I explain all of this to her, but since she’s a really bad listener, I also make her watch the tutorial first.)

Me: “Do you have any questions on how it works?”

Girlfriend: “Nope, all clear.”

Me: “Cool, go for it.”

(I start the game and hand her the controller, but then she instantly makes the character run towards a block, starts mashing all the buttons, and dies, crushed.)

Me: “That’s okay; it was your first try. Just calm down a—”

(The game starts again and she does exactly the same.)

Me: “Honey, you don’t need to keep pressing every button. You’ve got time for everything; there’s no hurry.”

(The game starts once more and exactly the same scenario happens. For ten straight minutes she keeps running to her death while I try to explain to her how to play, but she doesn’t even acknowledge my voice or my presence. I try to touch her arm and gently shove her, but no reaction; it’s like she’s in some sort of trance. Finally, I forcefully yank the controller out of her hands and pause the game.)

Me: “What’s going on? What are you doing?”

Girlfriend: *looking at me like she just came back from another reality* “Huh? What?”

Me: “What were you doing?”

Girlfriend: “It didn’t work.”

Me: “There’s no way it’ll work if you just mash the buttons like that.”

Girlfriend: “No, but I did it because it wasn’t working.”

Me: “What wasn’t working?”

Girlfriend: “The mines were not moving.”

Me: “Why would they?”

Girlfriend: “It makes sense.”

Me: “When I explained the game to you, did I mention that you can move mines?”

Girlfriend: “No.”

Me: “When you watched the tutorial, at any point did it show you that you can move mines?”

Girlfriend: “No.”

Me: “And you died like 30 times trying to do it, even though it clearly wasn’t working.”

Girlfriend: “Yes.”

Me: “Then?”

Girlfriend: “It makes sense.”

Me: “So, you just made up a game mechanic in your mind against all options, noticed that it didn’t work at all, yet kept trying to make it work again, and again, and again.”

Girlfriend: “Yes.”

Me: “Why?”

Girlfriend: “It made sense.”

My Wife, My Love, My Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free Card

Anniversary, Arcadia, California, home, In-Laws, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | November 25, 2017


(It’s our 25th wedding anniversary.)

Me: “You seem not so happy. Why? What’s on your mind, baby?”

Husband: “I just remembered this day 25 years ago. Your father told me to marry you or he would see to it that I went to jail for 25 years.”

Me: “Don’t mind him; he loves you and his grandchildren.”

Husband: “But I could have been out of jail today!”

Childish Chocoholics

Australia, Food & Drink, home, Silly, Spouses & Partners | Romantic | November 24, 2017


(Halloween isn’t an official holiday in Australia, although some children will trick or treat. We always buy chocolate just in case. The day after Halloween:)

Husband: *stuffing his face with chocolate* “It’s such a shame that all those kids came and took all our chocolate.”

Me: *stuffing my face with chocolate* “Yeah… Terrible.”

(No children came.)

Childish Chocoholics

Australia, Food & Drink, home, Silly, Spouses & Partners | Romantic | November 24, 2017


(Halloween isn’t an official holiday in Australia, although some children will trick or treat. We always buy chocolate just in case. The day after Halloween:)

Husband: *stuffing his face with chocolate* “It’s such a shame that all those kids came and took all our chocolate.”

Me: *stuffing my face with chocolate* “Yeah… Terrible.”

(No children came.)

Ex-Box, Part 4

Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, England, Games, home, UK | Romantic | November 23, 2017


(It’s my birthday. I am surprised to open a present from my girlfriend: a brand new Xbox. I am even more surprised to see the box open, and every game open, too. I turn on the console and find game files for each game. I question my girlfriend.)

Girlfriend: “Yeah, I gave it to my brother.”

Me: “You gave my present to your brother? Why?”

Girlfriend: “Well, he wanted to try it.”

Me: “Try it? He has completed some of the games, and the console is filthy!”

Girlfriend: “What? I don’t see what the big deal is here.”

(The family was a constant issue the whole time we were together; it eventually caused us to break up, then ruin her eventual marriage. She blindly defends them even today.)

Ex-Box, Part 3

home | MN, USA | Romantic | March 4, 2014


(After going out to dinner for Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend and I are cuddling and kind of half watching TV. It’s been a super romantic day: he brought me a dozen red roses, gave me a incredibly sweet card, and took me out to dinner. He looks deep into my eyes.)

Boyfriend: “Sweetheart, I’ve been thinking…”

Me: *attempting to ignore all thoughts about rings and proposals* “What?”

Boyfriend: “I should bring one of my video game consoles over here sometime so I can play video games while I’m hanging out with you!”

Ex-Box, Part 3

home | MN, USA | Romantic | March 4, 2014


(After going out to dinner for Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend and I are cuddling and kind of half watching TV. It’s been a super romantic day: he brought me a dozen red roses, gave me a incredibly sweet card, and took me out to dinner. He looks deep into my eyes.)

Boyfriend: “Sweetheart, I’ve been thinking…”

Me: *attempting to ignore all thoughts about rings and proposals* “What?”

Boyfriend: “I should bring one of my video game consoles over here sometime so I can play video games while I’m hanging out with you!”

Ex-Box, Part 2

Text/Chat/Email | England, UK | Romantic | January 25, 2014


(I am texting my long distance boyfriend about his Christmas present. I had it sent by courier as it’s expensive.)

Me: “So, has it arrived yet?”

Boyfriend: “No. I’m so excited. Look at my excited face! :DDDDDDDD”

Me: “That’s a lot of D’s…”

Boyfriend: “There’s no time for D’s baby! It’s here!”

Me: “Good I hope you love it!”

Boyfriend: “OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! AN XBOX ONE?! There’s something I need to talk to you about… I think we should see other people :/”

(I ignored his text as I knew he’s only playing, and went to shower. When I got back I had multiple missed calls and texts from him, all saying he was joking and begging me to forgive him! One even said he’d give up his new Xbox if I’d reply to him!)

Ex-Box

Game Store | Lake Charles, LA, USA | Right | January 19, 2011


Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah. Do Xbox 360s come with cup holders?”

Me: “Uh…”

Person in the background: “IT’S ON FIRE!”

Hat’s Off For The Attempt

Aunts & Uncles, Department Store, Ohio, Silly, Spouses & Partners, USA | Romantic | November 22, 2017


Years ago, my husband’s uncle was shopping for lingerie for his wife. Unfortunately, he really did not know anything about bra sizes, let alone what size his wife wore.

When the saleswoman asked about size, [Uncle] doffed his hat, looked around, and said, “Seven and a half.”

Never Have Truer Words Ever Been Spoken

Awesome, Food & Drink, home, Midwest, USA | Romantic | November 21, 2017


(I’ve run out of ideas for dinner, so I dump some leftover spaghetti sauce onto a casserole dish full of cooked macaroni, cover it all with cheese, and stick it in the oven. After thirty minutes it is a bubbling, molten mass of cheese. It almost looks alive.)

Me: *dubiously* “I think I used too much cheese.”

Him: “There is no such thing as too much cheese

A Jedi Shall Not Know Love…

At The Checkout, Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Geeks Rule, Jerk, Ohio, Retail, USA | Romantic | November 20, 2017


(I am a huge Star Wars fan, and after years and years I am finally buying the complete series, Episodes I – VI, on Blu-ray. I am 25 and have been single longer than I care to admit. This happens as I am checking out. The cashier is female; I am male.)

Cashier: *looks at my purchase “You must be single, right?”

Me: *not really paying attention* “What? Oh, umm… Yeah.”

Cashier: “I figured; you wouldn’t have time to watch all these if you had a girlfriend.”

Me: “Ha ha, yeah. I guess so.” *dies a little inside*

(I couldn’t bring myself to watch them for about a week after I bought them because it just reminded me that I could be out on a date instead.)

Thrifty With Love

Flirting, Harassment, Missouri, Siblings, St Louis, Strangers, Thrift Store, USA | Romantic | November 19, 2017


(My older sister and I have finished shopping at a thrift store and are waiting in line to check out. There are lots of families in the store, and soon there is an announcement over the store’s PA system.)

Store PA: “For safety reasons, children cannot be left unattended in the store. Please make sure your children are with you at all times.”

(While we wait, I’ve decided to look at the jewelry displays on the other side of the register counters. I am gone for maybe a minute, but out of the corner of my eye I notice my sister is already talking to someone, which isn’t that unusual, given how outgoing she is. She’s in her mid-20s and is talking with a man who looks to be in his 40s. When I return, I do not expect to hear the following.)

Random Man: “It’s important to keep up with the trends to look presentable. I have thousand-dollar suits, but this was too good a deal to pass up. I mean, eight dollars?” *holds up old-looking, yellow-ish and tan blazer* “One time, it was raining and I didn’t want to ruin my fancy shoes, so I wore grungy shoes—”

Sister: “And you brought the other pair to change into?”

Random Man: “No. But wearing those shoes turned out to be a mistake.”

(I’ve been silent, trying to figure out why she’s talking to him about work clothes. She suddenly turns to me.)

Sister: *in a louder, more excited voice* “I’m thinking about going back and buying that Super Truck video game.”

Me: *groaning* “Please, no. That game looked so stupid.”

Sister: *continues pointedly talking to only me* “Nah, it looked fun!”

(I get the feeling she’s trying to avoid talking to the man again, and we continue to chatter about video games until we reach the register. We pay quickly and dash out the door before he can follow us.)

Me: *Incredulous* “Was that man in a thrift store trying to hit on you by saying he has thousand-dollar suits?!”

Sister: “Yeah! I don’t know how I get all these random guys hitting on me! He was definitely way older than me and not that attractive. He just started talking about how he was going to get [the blazer] tailored.”

Me: *joking* “I should have known better. They clearly said not to leave your children unattended in the store, for safety reasons.”

Sister: *also joking* “Yeah, this is all your fault.”

Not Single(Mother) Minded

Coworkers, Dating, Flirting, Restaurant, USA | Romantic | November 18, 2017


(A female coworker starts a conversation with me, a male, about relationships. It’s very friendly and casual. We’re about the same age. I’m single, never married. She’s been going through a divorce and has a four-year-old. But none of that is on my mind as we talk.)

Coworker #1 : “Does the thought of dating a woman that already has kids weird you out?”

Me: “Yeah. I couldn’t do that. I don’t know. That’s a lot of complications and baggage and stuff right out the gate, and I’m young enough that it’s not really necessary to handle that if I don’t need to, you know?”

Coworker #1 : “Oh, for sure. I can understand that.”

(She heads off to check on her tables, and another coworker comes up to me and practically smacks me upside the head.)

Coworker #2 : “[MY NAME]! You f****** jerk!”

Me: “What? What did I do?”

Coworker #2 : “She was asking that because she means her!“

Me: “Oh. Well, the answer doesn’t change!”

(For the record, she’s a very beautiful and friendly woman, but my position will hold. There would have to be something very magical between me and a single mother for me to be willing to put myself into the lives of her kids who will, at some level, see me as a guy keeping their mom and dad from getting back together. No, thanks.)