The Purchase Was A Pre-Medicated Decision
 

The Purchase Was A Pre-Medicated Decision

Pharmacy | Joliet, IL, USA | Right | May 23, 2011


(I am closing the pharmacy curtain. A customer comes up to the counter.)

Customer: “I need to pick up my prescription for my pain medication. I’m in a lot of pain.”

Me: “Okay. Just for future reference, the pharmacy closes at 9pm.”

Customer: “I know. I was too busy getting an iPhone to get here while you were open.”

This Medicine Doesn’t Really Hit The Spot
 

This Medicine Doesn’t Really Hit The Spot

Pharmacy | TX, USA | Right | April 10, 2011


Me: “Thank you for calling [pharmacy]. What can I help you with?

Caller: “I just bought some [acne medication]. I was wondering if you could, uh… use it on herpes?”

Me: “On herpes? [Acne medication] is a treatment for acne only.”

Caller: “So can I put it on my junk or not?”

This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Him
 

This Customer Has Trouble Written All Over Him

Pharmacy | Baldwinsville, NY, USA | Right | April 3, 2011


Customer: “I’d like to buy some syringes.”

Me: “Can I see some ID?”

Customer: “They’re not for me, they’re for my dad. He’s a diabetic and needs them for his insulin.”

Me: “Okay. I still need to see some ID. Do you know his date of birth?”

Customer: “I’ll never forget his date of birth. I had it tattooed on my arm the day he died.”

(The customer proceeds to show everyone in the pharmacy the tattoo of his deceased father’s DOB–the same father that he is trying to buy syringes for.)

So Mummy Can Have Birds Without The Bees
 

So Mummy Can Have Birds Without The Bees

Pharmacy | United Kingdom | Right | January 30, 2011


(I am a customer in line at a pharmacy. A mother and her two youngs boys is ahead of me. One of the young boys is sitting on the floor pointing at random medicines.)

Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

Mother: “That’s for an itchy head.”

Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

Mother: “That’s for when you can’t sleep.”

(The boy then points at the pregnancy tests.)

Boy: “Mummy, what’s that for?”

Mother: “That’s to see if you have a baby growing inside of you!”

(The boy then stands up and gets back in line with his mother.)

Mother, to me and the pharmacist: “Thank god he didn’t point at the condoms!”

Not So Modest Aspirations
 

Not So Modest Aspirations

Pharmacy | Europe | Right | August 25, 2011


(I’m speaking with a three year old girl as I serve her mother.)

Me: “Do you like the pharmacy? Do you think you will be a pharmacist when you grow up?”

Girl: “No! I will be a dancer!”

Me: “Oh, a dancer! That’s nice! Like in a dance group?”

Girl: “No! On the pole!”

Cost-Benefit Analysis
 

Cost-Benefit Analysis

Auto Parts, Pharmacy | Dalton, GA, USA | Right | August 25, 2011


(A customer comes in to pick up his Viagra prescription. I’m trying not to be awkward and ring him up as if it’s any other order.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “My name is [name]. I need to pick up my prescription.”

Me: “That will be just a moment.”

(I get the man’s prescription and proceed to ring him up for it.)

Me: “Your total today comes out to [price].”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: *I repeat the price*

Customer: *mumbles* “Still cheaper than a hooker, I guess.” *pays and leaves*

Sleepless Sleep Aids
 

Sleepless Sleep Aids

Pharmacy | South West England, UK | Right | August 24, 2011


(A woman comes to the counter.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I see you’ve got [sleep aid]. Does it come in a non-drowsy version?”

Two Halves Make A Hole In Your Brain
 

Two Halves Make A Hole In Your Brain

Pharmacy | Massachusetts, USA | Right | August 22, 2011


Me: “Thank you for calling the pharmacy, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like you to check how much my prescriptions are. My name is [name].”

Me: “You have two prescriptions waiting for you. Each one is $2.50.”

Customer: “So, how much does each one cost?”

Me: “$2.50 each.”

Customer: “So, one is $2.50. How much is the other one?”

Me: “Each of your two prescriptions is $2.50.”

Customer: “So, if I give you $5, how much will my change be?”

Me: “Nothing.”

Recipe For Disaster
 

Recipe For Disaster

Pharmacy | Vancouver, WA, USA | Right | July 14, 2011


(A customer comes up to the pharmacy counter. Keep in mind, Sudafed (pseudoephedrine) is controlled in all 50 states as it is used to make methamphetamine.)

Customer: “I need some Sudafed.”

Me: “Did you want Sudafed or [store brand]?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “The active ingredient is the same but sometimes they change the inactive ingredients. It still works the same though. Plus, [store brand] is about 5 bucks cheaper.”

Customer: “The recipe said I need Sudafed.”

Me: “…”

Customer: *realizing what she said* “Um, s***. Never mind, I got to go.”

I’ll Take An Album Cover For 7000
 

I’ll Take An Album Cover For 7000

Pharmacy | California, USA | Right | November 4, 2011


(I work in the OTC section of a well-known pharmacy chain. I’m stocking the shelves in an aisle when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I’ve looked all over here. Where are your hemorrhoid wipes?”

Me: “Oh, those are actually down on Aisle 20.”

Customer: “Really? Why are they over there and not in this aisle with the rest of the anal care?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Anal care!” *points at the aisle’s sign*

(The sign she was pointing at? “Analgesics”.)

Like There’s No Tomorrow
 

Like There’s No Tomorrow

Pharmacy | Goffstown, NH, USA | Right | October 24, 2011


(A customer has called to ask if we carry an over the counter soap in our store.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am? I just checked and we do carry [brand] soap. However, we are all out of stock right now, but we could order some for you and it would come in tomorrow.”

Customer: “You don’t carry [brand]?”

Me: “We do carry it. We just don’t have it in right now.”

Customer: “Well, why not?”

Me: “Because other customers have purchased it. But we can order some for tomorrow.”

Customer: “Well, how long will that take?”

Me: “It’ll come in tomorrow.”

Customer: “So, how many days will that be?”

They’re Right Next To The Abacus Tablets
 

They’re Right Next To The Abacus Tablets

Pharmacy | North Carolina, USA | Right | October 10, 2011


(I’m working behind the counter one morning when an older customer and her son approach.)

Customer: “I’ve been really itchy lately. I need something for the itch. My son used algebra tablets last time.”

Me: “Well you could use an allergy tablet, but you can’t if you have high blood pressure.”

Customer: “I have high blood pressure but this itching is terrible. Can you show me the algebra tablets?”

Me: “I can’t recommend the allergy tablets, then. It could interact with your medicine.”

Customer: “I know, but my son had algebra tablets last time and they helped with the itching.”

Me: “Yes, the allergy tablets would interact though. So I can’t recommend those.”

Customer: “Which of these algebra tablets would you recommend?”

Me: *gives up* “The pink box.”

One’s Green And The Other Makes You Green
 

One’s Green And The Other Makes You Green

Pharmacy | New Jersey, USA | Right | October 10, 2011


Customer: “Hi, I’m calling to see if you have cholera pills in stock.”

Me: “I beg your pardon? Cholera is a contagious disease.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! I’m looking for cholera pills!”

Me: “Um, do you mean the natural supplement Chlorella?”

Customer: “That’s what I said! Cholera! It’s spelled C-H-L-O-R-E-L-L-A. Cholera. I am looking for a large bottle if you have it.”

Me: *gives up* “Yeah, sure. We happen to have a few bottles of cholera in stock.”

Customer: “I’ll be there in five minutes!”

Run Artificial Stupidity Program
 

Run Artificial Stupidity Program

Pharmacy | Illinois, USA | Right | September 27, 2011


(Our pharmacy phone system is down, so all pharmacy calls are going through the main line, which is answered by me. These calls include people trying to reach the automated prescription line.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [store], where we offer flu shots every day. This is [name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “You’re not a machine.”

Me: “No. If you were trying to reach the automated line, the phones are down. I can connect you to the pharmacist.”

Customer: “I want the automated system. People are dumb!”

A Warm And Full(filling) Night In
 

A Warm And Full(filling) Night In

Pharmacy | Boston, MA, USA | Right | December 9, 2011


(A man in his mid-30’s approaches the register. I notice that he looks a little grumpy about something.)

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “Hi.”

(It is at this point that I notice that he only has two items to ring up: a 20oz bottle of soda and an enema.)

Me: “How are you today?”

Customer: “I’m holding an enema, what do you think?!”

Me: *speechless*

(I ring him up silently. Poor guy, I hope he feels better!)

D Is For Definitely Shiny
 

D Is For Definitely Shiny

Pharmacy | Wyckoff, NJ, USA | Right | November 16, 2011


(A customer walks to my register with a Halloween decoration in tow. It’s a cheap cardboard statue of a cartoon-looking black cat covered in a shiny plastic material.)

Customer: “So, why is this 3D?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

(I peer at the tag. It says “3D Cat”.)

Me: “Oh, that’s because it’s 3D.”

Customer: “No, I mean why is it ‘D’? Is it because it’s shiny?”

(A multitude of thoughts are racing through my head at this point. I debate the prospect of explaining to her what 3D actually means. In the end, I decide it’s easier to just agree with her.)

Me: “Exactly! It’s really sparkly and that’s why it’s called a 3D cat. Would you like to purchase it?”

Customer: “Oh, definitely!”

What’s Your Poison
 

What’s Your Poison

Pharmacy | New Zealand | Right | November 15, 2011


(I’m a pharmacist in a rural area. A shop assistant calls me out from the dispensary to talk to a customer, who is a slightly intoxicated middle aged woman.)

Customer: “This medicine made my partner sick! Violently sick!”

Me: “Let me see. Has he had any alcohol?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Are you sure? Not even a little?”

Customer: “He doesn’t drink. Maybe only a little, but he wasn’t drunk.”

Me: “It clearly says on the label that you must not drink any alcohol while being treated with this medicine.”

Customer: “But he didn’t drink much at all. A beer shouldn’t matter, should it?”

Me: “It contains enough alcohol to–”

Customer: “But, like, you can even drive if you only drink a beer!”

Me: “That has nothing to do with–”

Customer: “I think he’d better not take this medicine. It made him violently sick!”

Me: “I think he should–”

Customer: “Thanks, I’ll tell him what you said. This medicine is a poison!” *turns around and walks out*

Have You Tried DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE
 

Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide, Part 3

Pharmacy | Lansing, MI, USA | Right | November 9, 2011


(I am standing in line at the pharmacy counter and a man rudely cuts in front of me, stating that he has been waiting in line, just in another part of the store. He assures me he’ll be quick, but I don’t buy his excuse. The following exchange occurs between him and the pharmacist.)

Customer: “I need to speak to a pharmacist immediately.”

Pharmacist: “Do you have a question about your medication?”

Customer: “Yes, it says on the bottle to take with water. I don’t drink water. Water makes you fat.”

Pharmacist: “Um, water is essential for your body, especially with those pills.”

Customer: “What about water retention? Will I just pee it out, then?”

Pharmacist: “Yeah, your body will eventually eliminate it. You should drink water, though. Your body needs plenty of water to work well, and you really don’t want to be dehydrated while on this drug.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll try it. Oh, and one more question. What about alcohol? Can I still have my alcohol?”

You Better Belize It

Pharmacy | Belize | Right | March 19, 2012


(I live in Belize. A lot of tourists think they can get away with anything in my country. One day, a foreigner walks into the store.)

Customer: “Can I get some Diazepam?”

Me: “Do you have a prescription?”

Customer: *tries to look bewildered* “Do I need one?”

Me: “Yes, especially since it’s a controlled substance.”

Customer: “It is?” *scoffs* “Well I didn’t know that. Some Xanax, then.”

Me: “That is a controlled substance too. Valium, Xanax, alprazolam, lorazepam, diazepam…they’re all controlled.”

Customer: “Well, then!” *hurriedly walks out of the store

Why You Always Bring Your Own Dinnerware

Pharmacy | Graham, NC, USA | Right | March 3, 2012


(An elderly lady approaches the counter.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need some dish bags.”

(Unaware of what dish bags are, I assume she means dish rags.)

Me: “I’m not sure what that is and if we carry it. I would look in the cleaning section.”

Customer: “Well, my doctor said I could get it here.”

Me: “Okay, well I would check that aisle.”

(The customer leaves and returns after a couple minutes.)

Customer: “I didn’t find them!”

Me: “Can you tell me again what it is you need?”

Customer: “Dish bags.”

Me: “And you say your doctor told you to get them here?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry. I’ve never heard of dish bags and I don’t believe I’ve seen anything like that here.”

Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous! What am I going to do?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, would you like me to ask our pharmacist about them?”

Customer: “Yes!”

(I go get the pharmacist to assist me.)

Pharmacist: “So, what is a dish bag used for?”

Customer: “Jeeze! You clean your lady parts with it!”

Weekend Roundup: Kids Say The Awesomest Things

Roundups | Not Always Right Archives | Right | March 4, 2012


Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

Kids Say The Awesomest Things! This week, we share five stories that show that kids are not only our best customers, but can be an employee’s best friend!
1.Ah, Children:
A misbehaving customer gets put in the time-out corner…by a toddler.

2.They Swim Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine:
When Blade meets The Little Mermaid, awesome ensues.

3.Making A Hug(e) Difference:
Every store needs a kid like this…seriously, can Not Always Right adopt this boy?

4.Vocabulary, Meet Veracity:
Proof that kids hear everything parents say.

5.They Grow Up Too Fast:
When the rubber hits the road, Ultimate Driving Machines come in all sizes.



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From Sea To Shining Sea
 

From Sea To Shining Sea

Tour Guide | Seattle, WA, USA | Right | March 5, 2012


(I’m in the middle of sharing interesting facts about Seattle to a group of 20. Unfortunately, one tourist has been talking on the phone the entire time, making it hard for others to hear me.)

Me: “Now, back when the Space Needle was built, it was the tallest building west of the Mississippi River and it—”

Tourist: “Wait, which of these rivers is the Mississippi?”

Me: “Well, that’s the Puget sound to your right. The two other large bodies of water you can see are Lake Union and Lake Washington—”

Tourist: “So, where’s the river?”

Me: “You mean the Mississippi River?”

Customer: “Well, duh.”

Me: “I guess about 1600 miles east of here.”

Customer: “So, you can’t see it, then?”

Me: “Not from here, no.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Weekend Roundup: Kids Say The Awesomest Things

Roundups | Not Always Right Archives | Right | March 4, 2012


Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

Kids Say The Awesomest Things! This week, we share five stories that show that kids are not only our best customers, but can be an employee’s best friend!
1.Ah, Children:
A misbehaving customer gets put in the time-out corner…by a toddler.

2.They Swim Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine:
When Blade meets The Little Mermaid, awesome ensues.

3.Making A Hug(e) Difference:
Every store needs a kid like this…seriously, can Not Always Right adopt this boy?

4.Vocabulary, Meet Veracity:
Proof that kids hear everything parents say.

5.They Grow Up Too Fast:
When the rubber hits the road, Ultimate Driving Machines come in all sizes.

She’s Free Years Old
 

She’s Free Years Old

Tourist Attraction | Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Right | March 6, 2012


Customer: “Hi, how old to children have to be ’til they have to pay admission?”

Me: “Four years old. Three and under are free.”

Customer: “One adult and one three year old, then.”

Daughter: “But daddy, I’m four now.”

Customer: “In a minute, darling.”

Daughter: “Daddy, I’m four

You Better Belize It
 

You Better Belize It

Pharmacy | Belize | Right | March 19, 2012


(I live in Belize. A lot of tourists think they can get away with anything in my country. One day, a foreigner walks into the store.)

Customer: “Can I get some Diazepam?”

Me: “Do you have a prescription?”

Customer: *tries to look bewildered* “Do I need one?”

Me: “Yes, especially since it’s a controlled substance.”

Customer: “It is?” *scoffs* “Well I didn’t know that. Some Xanax, then.”

Me: “That is a controlled substance too. Valium, Xanax, alprazolam, lorazepam, diazepam…they’re all controlled.”

Customer: “Well, then!” *hurriedly walks out of the store*

Why You Always Bring Your Own Dinnerware
 

Why You Always Bring Your Own Dinnerware

Pharmacy | Graham, NC, USA | Right | March 3, 2012


(An elderly lady approaches the counter.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need some dish bags.”

(Unaware of what dish bags are, I assume she means dish rags.)

Me: “I’m not sure what that is and if we carry it. I would look in the cleaning section.”

Customer: “Well, my doctor said I could get it here.”

Me: “Okay, well I would check that aisle.”

(The customer leaves and returns after a couple minutes.)

Customer: “I didn’t find them!”

Me: “Can you tell me again what it is you need?”

Customer: “Dish bags.”

Me: “And you say your doctor told you to get them here?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry. I’ve never heard of dish bags and I don’t believe I’ve seen anything like that here.”

Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous! What am I going to do?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, would you like me to ask our pharmacist about them?”

Customer: “Yes!”

(I go get the pharmacist to assist me.)

Pharmacist: “So, what is a dish bag used for?”

Customer: “Jeeze! You clean your lady parts with it!”

Perhaps There’s Insufficient Blood To Your Brain
 

Perhaps There’s Insufficient Blood To Your Brain

Pharmacy | Windsor, Ontario, Canada | Right | February 24, 2012


(We have a free self-use blood pressure machine in our pharmacy.)

Customer: “When are you going to fix your blood pressure machine?”

Pharmacist: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Your blood pressure machine is broken. Every time I come in here, it doesn’t work! You should really take care of it. Lots of old people need to check their blood pressure, you know!”

Me: “Are you sure? I just filled the paper roll the other day. It was working fine.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! I’ve been trying to use it for days. It’s not working. You should really take care of it!”

(I take a look at the machine and try to troubleshoot the problem. I sit in the seat, roll up my sleeve, put it in the cuff, and push the big green “Start” button. The cuff inflates normally.)

Customer: “You mean you’re suppose to push that button?!”

Weekend Roundup: Don’t Mess With Employees
 

Weekend Roundup: Don’t Mess With Employees

Fast Food, Gun Store, Pharmacy, Tech Support | Not Always Right Archives | Right | February 19, 2012


Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

Don’t Mess With Employees! This week, we feature five stories that teach misbehaving customers the consequences of messing with employees.
1.In Real Hot Sauce Now:
A young teenage employee decides her dignity is worth more than £3.71 and dealing with a cowardly manager.

2.A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’:
A customer tries to rough up an employee, but ends up getting roughed up by the manager instead.

3.Hard Drugs And Harder Pharmacists:
Teenage robber, meet Doug. Doug is our new pharmacy tech. Doug is also built like a fridge.

4.Who’s Got The Power Now:
Tech support is happy to support your technology. Supporting your potty mouth, not so much.

5.Your Prank Got Spanked:
A prank caller picks the wrong, well-armed store to call.

A Dose By Any Other Name
 

A Dose By Any Other Name

Pharmacy | Belize | Right | February 3, 2012


Customer: “Hey, I want some Tylenol.”

Me: “For children or for adults?”

Customer: “For adults.”

Me: “At the moment, we only have the generic kind available. You know, paracetamol, also known as acetaminophen?”

Customer: “No! I don’t want any acetaminophen! Give me the other one!”

Me: “Ma’am, they are the same thing, just different names for the same ingredient.”

Customer: “Well, I just want the first one you named. Just don’t give me the other one.”

Out Of Brain Cells
 

Out Of Brain Cells

Pharmacy | Maple Grove, MN, USA | Working | May 22, 2012


(At the pharmacy where I work, I do a lot of training of new employees. This day’s trainee is particularly slow on the uptake.)

Me: *to new employee* “Now, when the customer pays in cash and just hands you a bill, you should repeat back to them how much they gave you. For example, when a customer gives you a $20 bill, you say, ‘Out of $20,’ as you make change.”

(This is a technique to help avoid after-the-fact disputes about the denomination of the bills customers hand over.)

New Employee: “Got it.”

(The customer walks up and pays cash, handing him a $20. The new employee says nothing.)

Me: *to new employee* “What are you forgetting?”

New Employee: “Um…”

Me: “Say the amount they gave you.”

New Employee: “Oh, right…”

(The next three customers all pay cash, and as they each fork over a crisp clean $20 bill, the new employee performs flawlessly, verifying that it is indeed “Out of $20” with each transaction. I think he’s finally gotten it down until the fourth customer.)

New Employee: “That will be [price].”

Customer #4: *hands over credit card*

New Employee: “Out of $20!”

Me: *facepalm*

Time To Start Screening Customers
 

Time To Start Screening Customers

Pharmacy | USA | Right | May 19, 2012


(A customer slams a bottle of sunblock on the counter.)

Customer: “This is worthless! I can’t believe you sell this!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir.” *examines the empty bottle* “But this is the highest protection factor we have.”

Customer: “Well, it’s crap! I want a refund!”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t refund an empty bottle; it’s store policy.”

Customer: “Well, what do you expect?! I have two large windows!”

A Game Of Kat And Birdie
 

A Game Of Kat And Birdie

Pharmacy | Georgia, USA | Right | April 5, 2012


(I work at a pharmacy and we are very busy, causing a few customers having to wait. The last woman in line finally steps up.)

Me: “I apologize for your wait. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Does your name tag say your name is Kat?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Did you have some crazy new age parents or something? Why would they name you after an animal? That’s just dumb! You should have a good sturdy name, like mine!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but what can I help you with?”

Customer: “I need a refill.”

Me: “Of course. Can I get your date of birth?”

Customer: *gives me her date of birth* “And the prescription is under Birdie.”

Me: “Okay, it’s put in and will be ready in 15 minutes.”

Customer: “Thank you. I’m sorry you have such a foolish name.”

Pharmacist: “Did that woman just tell you your name was foolish and complain about people with “animal” names?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Pharmacist: “But her name was Birdie…”

Less Is More, More Or Less, Part 3
 

Less Is More, More Or Less, Part 3

Drug Store, Pharmacy | Omaha, NE, USA | Right | March 30, 2012


(Our store regularly runs a promotion on the various vitamin brands for ‘BOGO’, buy 1, get 1 free. A customer comes up to the register with a bottle of a brand on the BOGO promotion. I am also an avid couponer and I regularly take in coupons for items we carry that I won’t use so that I can give them to customers.)

Me: “Sir, I see you’re buying a [brand] item. This week we currently have this whole line at Buy One, Get One Free. If you do get another one, I also have a coupon I can give you which is good for $2 off two items. So instead of getting one for $9.99 you can get 2 for eight bucks and change.”

Customer: *quite angrily* “What the h*** is wrong with you people? I just want my vitamins. Why are you always trying to push me to buy extra stuff and give you more money!?”

Me: “I’m…sir, I apologize. I probably wasn’t clear you’ll get twice as many vitamins and spend two dollars less—”

Customer: “Oh f*** this. You’re all scam artists!” *storms off without paying*

Me: *stares in disbelief*

Next Customer:“So…can I use that coupon?”

No Pain, No Vain
 

No Pain, No Vain

Pharmacy | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Right | March 29, 2012


(A customer comes in to return a home leg waxing kit.)

Me: “Can I ask why you are unsatisfied with this product?”

Customer: “It hurts!”

Me: “Yes, because waxing involves ripping the hair out by the roots.”

Customer: “Well, it shouldn’t hurt!”

Feeling Man-strual
 

Feeling Man-strual

Pharmacy | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada | Right | June 24, 2012


(I am working the prescription counter when a big, burly 6-foot or so tall man comes to the counter. Note: I am a female.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Um, I think…” *trails off*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir…could you say that again?”

Customer: *leans in close* “I think I got my first period.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “I’m bleeding down there, and I’m really hurting in my stomach.”

Me: “Sir, men don’t get those. You need to go to the hospital.”

Customer: “I knew you girls would be insensitive! I’m leaving!”

(I didn’t see him again. I still hope he got to a hospital!)

Employees Are Sharper Than You Think
 

Employees Are Sharper Than You Think

Pharmacy | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Right | June 20, 2012


(Pharmacy law in Utah says that it’s up to the pharmacist’s discretion if they want to sell insulin needles/syringes without a prescription. Our store has the policy that the patient either has to have a prescription for the syringes or for an injectable medication on file.)

Customer: “I need to get some syringes.”

Me: “Okay, I need your name so I can look up the prescription.”

Customer: “Actually, they’re not for me. They’re for my mom.”

Me: “Okay, what’s her name?”

Customer: “Well, not my mom. My best friend’s mom who’s like a mom to me.”

Me: “What’s her name?”

Customer: “Actually, it’s for her dog.”

Me: “What’s the dog’s name?”

Customer: “I…don’t know.”

Me: “Then I’m not selling you any syringes.”

Customer: *walks away in defeat*

Contextual Innuendos
 

Contextual Innuendos

Pharmacy | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Right | June 19, 2012


(I’m at work on a Saturday with a clerk and a pharmacist. I notice the clerk speaking with an elderly woman out front but don’t think much of it. A few minutes later, the clerk comes back with a strange expression on her face and tells me I have to go help the woman.)

Me: “What can I help you with?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a vibrator.”

Me: “A…vibrator?”

Customer: “Yes. I had one, but I used it too much and it wore out.”

Me: “I don’t think we have anything like that. Where did you buy the first one?”

Customer: “At another pharmacy, but I want one with a long handle so it can reach better.”

(At this point I’m biting the inside of my cheek in an effort not to laugh.)

Me: “What kind of vibrator are you looking for, exactly?”

Customer: “You know! One of those that rub your feet!”

Me: “OH! Sorry, we don’t have anything like that.”

Not Lacking For Laxatives
 

Not Lacking For Laxatives

Pharmacy | Long Island, NY, USA | Right | June 17, 2012


Me: “**** Pharmacy, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I gotta question for you: I drank a whole thing of prune juice like water, and now I’m s***ing my brains out.”

Me: “Okay, and what did you need to know?”

Customer: “Is your generic of ducolax the same thing?”

Me: “Yes. Same thing.”

Customer: “Okay, good, because I’m gonna need a plug soon or something!”

Getting Burned Can Be A Pain In The Butt
 

Getting Burned Can Be A Pain In The Butt

Pharmacy | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Right | June 15, 2012


(It is a very windy day during summer, and a power line has blown over in the field behind our store.)

Me: “Hello, [pharmacy] how may I help you?”

Customer: “I need to see if you have [hemorrhoid cream] in stock.”

Me: “Alright, let me check…”

(At this point, I put him on hold to check our stock when a fireman walks in. He tells us they are evacuating all the buildings in the area, and that we have 5 minutes to get out. I go back to pick up the phone so the customer isn’t on hold forever.)

Me: “Sir, we do have it in stock. However, I can’t help you right now. I’m being told to evacuate the building.”

Customer: “Does it have aloe vera in it?”

Me: “I don’t know. As I said, I need to hang up. Please call back tomorrow.”

Customer: “Can you see if you can order it for me?”

Me: “Sir, there is a field fire right behind the pharmacy and I really can’t answer your questions right now. I was told by the fire department to evacuate. Please, call back another time.”

Customer: “Well, fine then. I’ll just get it somewhere else!” *hangs up*

A Knight In Patrolling Armor
 

A Knight In Patrolling Armor

Pharmacy | Costa Rica | Right | August 2, 2012


Me: “So, your total is going to be of 30 thousand colones (60 USD). Here you go, and have a nice day.”

Customer: “Oh, you’re so nice. Thank you, too. I was wondering if you could do something else for me?”

Me: “Sure, what is it?”

Customer: “I was told at my church that they needed more members, and I was asked to bring a few. Would you mind to come?”

Me: “Well, I apologize, but I wouldn’t like to.”

Customer: *gets defensive* “Why? Don’t tell me you think we’re all cultists that don’t care about God!”

Me: “I’m sure you’re not, but I don’t want to go.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not, then? I already told you we’re nice people, so why don’t you go?!”

Me: “Ma’am, if I offended you I apologize, however I don’t want to go. It’s not because you’re nice people or not; it’s because I’m an atheist.”

Customer: “So, you don’t believe in God, is that it? Well, f*** you! You’re going to Hell! What are you going to tell me next, that you’re a f***ing queer?”

Me: “In fact, I am a homosexual, but—”

Customer: “That’s all I needed to know! Being gay is a sin!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “F*** no! You’re kicking me out because I’m a Christian! That’s illegal, and it’s bulls***!”

(At this point, a man behind her speaks up. Note that he is a police officer in full uniform.)

Officer: “No, he’s kicking you because you already paid and you’re disturbing the peace. So, I’m going to give you my recommendation: Leave now, or I’ll arrest you.”

Customer: *suddenly pales and leaves without saying a word*

Me: “Thank you very much, Officer. Now, how may I help you?”

Officer: “Actually I didn’t need anything. I was just patrolling when I heard the conflict. However, now that you mention it…” *he blushes a little* “…I need to ask, would you go out in a date with me?”

Me: “…Of course!”

(The officer and I have now dating for nearly half a year.)